Mari's Morning Room

Light Under The House...and a Giveaway!!!

2012-01-17T13:17:00.001-05:00

Today I'm featuring an interview with author Aaron L about his book Light Under The House. One of you lucky readers will win a copy of the book! Without further ado, meet Aaron!

What inspired you to write this story?
I feel very strongly about the breakdown of the family and fatherlessness and how there is much dysfunction and despair because of it. I wanted to tell a story to shed some light on the situations that many face and hopefully bring some type of reversal to the current dynamic in whatever small way I could. I wanted to challenge men, fathers especially, to be who they were created to be ... its certainly a challenge I face myself daily. A challenge that I often fail at but keeping picking myself up to start again.

Did you model any of the characters after people you know?
I used many things to model the characters ... people I know, other literary figures, actors, biblical characters, celebrities ... the characters are a combination of all of these. I wanted them to be new and familiar at the same time, universal.

Why did you choose the Dallas/Ft Worth area as your primary setting?
First of all, the south has a certain reputation for is deep spiritual roots (bible belt and all). I patterned the book in part after GONE WITH THE WIND (another book set in the south) ... not in the sense of a love story but in the sense of "here is civilization that is about to cease to exist, come see it before its gone". In the case of my novel it is a spiritual civilization on the brink. Dallas just seemed to have everything I needed to make the story work from both a symbolic and technical standpoint.

Do you have plans to write more books?
i have an idea or two floating around ... nothing concrete yet.

What sort of research did you do for the historical portions of your book? What did you like best about the research? The least?
My co-author and I researched deeply into ancient history for some aspects of the book ... I learned a lot of things ... some things I'd rather forget but most of it was enlightening. What I liked best was that it confirmed for me mostly what I already knew, there really is nothing new under the sun.

Where can we find out about more opportunities for a free copy of this book?
Follow @ChristianSpkrs on Twitter. You can purchase the book through Amazon at http://www.amazon.com/Light-Under-the-House-ebook/dp/B0060C2O92.

I was given a complimentary copy of this book from the author in exchange for posting the author’s interview on my blog. This blog tour is managed by Christian Speakers Services (http://ChristianSpeakersServices.com).

NOW FOR THE TREAT: One lucky reader will win a copy of Light Under The House. All you need to do to enter is leave a comment with your email address. Winner will be announced on Friday January 20, 2012.

The Crud

2011-12-13T22:59:00.000-05:00

Y'all, I have the crud. I can't breathe through my nose right now. My throat hurts from breathing through my mouth so much. And I keep sneezing when the Kleenex are in the other room and I have no more with me. I feel horrible. I despise being sick! And guess what? In the midst of this illness, God had a little message for me. It involved crud too. Oh joy!

Micah 6:8 has been following me around for the last couple of weeks, even in songs (see video below). Last night while I was drinking my tea, I decided to start at Micah 6:1 and read to 6:8. I just had to know the "whole story". I had to see what God was trying to show me in Micah 6:8. In chapter 6 The Lord begins to make his case against Israel. He asked the people what He had done to them. How had He burdened them? (v3) Then He asked them to remember all He had done for them. He wrapped up with asking how they thought they should worship and honor Him. it wasn't with burnt offerings, calves, rams, oil or a firstborn (v4-7). No, none of those thing would do. Why? Because they do not involve true engagement with God. They don't involve the heart.What really struck me in the New King James version was the way God kept saying "O my people". I could just feel His sorrow, His pleading with His people, with me.

So in verse 8, it says, "He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the Lord require of you but to do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God?." As I read and re-read those eight verses, it struck me that I'm as ungrateful and forgetful as the Israelites. No matter how much God does for me, I always want more or something different. No matter how faithful and consistent, I worry about everything. It really settled in that the same crud the Israelites had in their heart, sits in mine as well.

Just like I'm fighting the crud invading my body right now, making me feel like one big congested nose, I'm fighting the crud in my heart. God clearly wants my devotion to Him, not just to what He does. I don't always give that. But I should. He deserves that and more.

It boils down to this. Even in our trials, those we cause and those that seem to simply befall us, we learn something about God and about ourselves. Whether we choose to act on that information determines the course of our life. I learned something and I plan to act on it. I want the course of my life determined by devotion, honor and obedience to God. How about you?

Be blessed,

Mari

Unwanted Party Guests

2011-11-29T23:11:00.001-05:00

I can't remember if I told you that I have fibromyalgia. Part of the reason I can't remember is probably due to fibro fog (think an episode of being forgetful and slightly ditsy). Fibromyalgia has a lot of associated symptoms. I don't care for any of them.

Right now mine is out of remission. I know that's a word that associated with cancer but it fits here too. Mine doesn't flare up everyday. Sometimes I go for long stretches without issues. But for the last 3 weeks, my body has been host to unwanted party guests. Pain, fatigue and forgetfulness stop by and throw a party in my body without my permission. Sometimes they bring other "friends" along like GI issues, lack of depth perception, sleeplessness, sleepiness, etc. Sometimes it's a short-lived party. Other times it's like those weeks long fests you read about in the Bible.

I could focus on the really horrible parts of this condition. And sometimes I do because it can wear you down and completely out, literally. It's hard to tell your husband to not hug you today because every part of you hurts. It's frustrating to ask your teenager the same question 6 times because you really can't recall what she just said 45 seconds ago. I could go on but I think you get the picture. I could go there on a hourly basis. But this time around, I'm choosing not to.

I am trying to focus on the joy in it. Yes, I said joy. Every unpleasant situation doesn't have to just be unpleasant and difficult. We can choose to see something good in it. For instance, because I sometimes can't sleep, it allows me to read more good books or write. When I feel the extreme exhaustion coming on, I delegate unfinished tasks or just let it be. That's freedom right there. When I'm hurting I know I have to find other ways to allow my family to connect physically with me. Maybe they can't hug me but they can hold my hand or gently touch my knee. The point is that we have come together to come up with a solution. I don't know how I'm going to feel from one day to the next, so I focus on the most important stuff and leave the rest. It helps me see what my real priorities are. That's priceless, no?

I'm reminded of Paul. He asked God several times to take the thorn from his flesh. (sometimes I wonder if it was fibromyalgia, because it is definitely a thorn in the flesh) God's answer was "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9). In my own life that's God saying, "Mari, you will depend on Me. You will know that your energy, strength, your everything comes only from Me. I will supply what you need in the face of fibromyalgia and the other medical conditions that accompany it. You will glorify me in your weakened state." He's right. I'd overdo it, over think it and sometimes overlook His hand in my life. But this condition, this horrible situation grounds me in Him. It builds and strengthens my trust in Him. So I say bring it! I will rejoice in it. I will find joy in it. And God's great name will be glorified through it.

Be blessed,

Mari

Turn It Around Tuesday: It's Only Temporary

2011-11-15T22:29:00.001-05:00

It's November. When I was living in Chicago that meant 40 or lower degrees and possibly snow. In North Carolina, where we live now, it's 76 degrees. A girl could get used to this. But. You knew that was coming didn't you? This Indian Summer is temporary. Thursday the high will be 55. Sigh!

A little while ago I wrote something that reminds me of how things are temporary. Warning: this is raw and unedited. Be gentle with me :)

Even though there are dark clouds above, notice that they are moving. They are not here to stay. There is hope of blue sky and sun to come. The wind has uprooted some trash cans and recycle bins, scattering their contents about. But this too is a temporary situation since a clean up crew or resident will return the trash to its rightful place. Even the bits of trash cannot take away from the beauty of new life seen all around. The trees are displaying their new buds in an array of colors, reminiscent of fall. Even those that are bare seem expectant, standing next to their budding counterparts. Though not perfect, what I see is still beautiful because it screams hope.The temporary blighted scene cannot detract from the hope of the beautiful scene that will soon emerge. I can hardly wait.

Hope. When things are going bad, remember they are only temporary. There is hope in a change. When you can't seem to get it right, remember it is only temporary. Situations and circumstances are temporary. They ebb and flow. They change. Temporary. Sometimes we like the change. Sometimes we don't. Either way, we know at some point, change is coming. That's hope life works.

But there is one thing we can count on to be permanent and full of hope. God.

"For I am the LORD, I do not change; Therefore you are not consumed, O sons of Jacob." (Malachi 3:6 NKJV)

"And we have known and believed the love that God has for us. God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him." (1 John 4:16 NKJV)

"For His merciful kindness is great toward us, And the truth of the LORD endures forever" (Psalm 117:2 NKJV)

I could go on and on. But it all begins and ends with this fact. Life here on earth is full of the temporary. Our souls long for permanency. The only way to satisfy that longing is to fill it with the best. And the best is God. If you don't know Him, have a relationship with Him or seek Him daily, start today.

Blessings to you all,

Mari

Frank Friday : Family Dinner

2011-11-11T22:04:00.001-05:00

Tonight we went out to a local Mexican restaurant for family dinner. We started this a while back as a way to spend some time together as a family. It sounded like a great idea at the time. However, we had some rough outings. Somehow the family dinners (and even family lunches on occasion) often devolved into arguments and hurt feelings. I can't even explain to you why this happened so often. So we stopped doing them.

But this week my oldest teenage beauty decided she wanted to do family dinner again. I was shocked because she was the one who said we needed to never go out again as a family. OUCH! Despite that, we all agreed to give it one more try. And we really meant just one more try. One.

We had a rough start. I got hungry and then she got hungry and we hadn't left the house yet. I started making my "Y'all know how I get when I'm hungry" comments. She started making her usual "I'm irritated" comments. My husband and my youngest teenage beauty were oblivious as usual. (And I say that with love). I finally said, "Let's not start. We need to try to make this a nice outing and get along for a change." That didn't go over well. I believe some comments were made by a certain teenager about not being blamed for this. I decided not to acknowledge said comments and a few minutes later we were all on our way for some tasty food and family togetherness.

The food was good. We had some easy conversation and a few laughs. Aside from a few reminders to put away cell phones and some complaining from a certain picky person about their food (as usual), it was actually a good time. Now mind you, dinner was fairly quick and we were home in short order. I was tempted to feel a bit cheated because it was such a short evening, but then a verse came to me. "A wise woman builds her house, But the foolish pulls it down with her hands." (Proverbs 14:1 NIV). So I could take a successful, albeit short family outing and build on that, or I could complain and destroy it all. I could almost hear Monty Hall from "let's Make a Deal" saying "Will it be Door #1 or Door #2?" (If you're too young to know about Monty or Let's Make a Deal...just go with me here).

I chose Door #1. I'd rather be a builder than destroyer. So I said, "Well that turned out well. We'll have to try this again soon." No one said no, so I guess we're on for another family dinner soon. I'll keep you posted on how it goes :) Meanwhile, all I can say is:

Thank you God for your Word that instructs and lifts up.

Blessings to you all,

Mari

Frank Friday - Jacob's Not The Only Wrestler

2011-09-23T18:19:00.003-04:00

If you were alive earlier this week an had any access to the news, you hear about Troy Davis. This post is not specifically about him. Rather it is about a struggle I had with God as a result of that story. It's about a switch that was flipped in my heart. I hope it ignites something in yours.

I was drawn into the news reports about the Supreme Court deciding if they would give Troy Davis a stay. I watched on an off until they finally came out and gave his time of death. That really did me in. Not so much because I was sad about it, but because it really brought home to me the concept of God's sovereignty.

Only God, Troy Davis and Office MacPhail know if Troy Davis was guilty. That is a fact. The other fact is that regardless of guilt or innocence, on Septamber 21, 2011, Troy Davis lost his life. After hearing he was dead, I felt compelled to pray.

"God, you are the only one we can talk to that knows the truth, either way. In my head I say if he was innocent, it feels so tragic that he died for something he didn't do. But, if he was guilty, then justice was served. But we, who are left here, witnessing and experiencing this, don't know which is true. People who believe he was innocent will question why you would let this happen. And they will question why you did not answer their prayers. But if he was innocent then your answer to their prayers for his life to be spared was no. And we never like the answer no without some explanation. But in Your sovereignty, you don't have to answer. Not everyone can deal with that. Now, those who believe he was guilty will ask why you let this thing drag on for so long. And I know you have your reasons. I don't feel strongly either way about his guilt or innocence. I just sit in both awe and confusion as I try to comprehend an incomprehensible God. I can understand a little bit about how Jacob felt wrestling with you that night in Peniel (Genesis 32:23-32). And as I try to lay my head on a pillow and sleep tonight, I pray I make my peace with my struggle."

I tried to sleep, but I was struggling. There were so many questions like, "Who are we to decide who lives or dies?" That's God's job isn't it. And that goes for murderers and the justice system alike. "How do I as a Christian answer people with their own "why" questions about You Heavenly Father?" Just on and on it went.

Finally my husband asked me what was wrong because I was tossing, turning, sighing and crying. literally. I tried to explain as best I could what I was struggling with. Bless his heart, he understood. I finally said, "You know what? I am ready for Jesus to come get his children. This place we live in is so messed up and I'm just ready to go home. Come Lord Jesus Come. Your daughter anxiously awaits the Rapture"

He proceeded to tell me that he had so much stuff he still wanted to do, that he wasn't ready for it. The number one item on his list? He hadn't led anyone to a saving knowledge of Christ yet. Wow!

"So okay", I thought, "get busy so Jesus can come and He take that person with us." I mean I really was longing for heaven.

He then proceeded to ask me this question: "Don't you want to see our girls grow up and do well in life?"

Without one second of hesitation I said, "If I had to choose between them dealing with this increasingly immoral, increasingly hostile toward Christians and Christianity world we live in and them being caught up in the skies with all other believers and ushered into God's presence forever, I choose heaven. There is nothing here better than heaven. Nothing."

Silence.

And then it hit me. I desire the eternal. And I am anxious for the rapture. But until then, while I'm here on this sphere called Earth, I need to keep that eternal perspective about everything. I need to take that fire for eternity (heaven) and use it in my everyday life until Jesus does come for His children. I've had head knowledge of it for a long time. But that night, it became heart knowledge. And that is a wonderful blessing. I pray I never let it fade.

Blessings to you all,

Mari

Turn It Around Tuesday - Don't Worry

2011-09-20T22:29:00.000-04:00

Do you ever worry? I do. In fact, I worry a lot more than I'd like to. The funny (or not so funny) thing about it is that it's a fruitless activity. You don't feel better and usually no solution is devised. How's that for a colossal waste of time. I like to get something out of my activities. As I've thought about it, I don't reap one benefit from worry. And I bet you don't either. It's a crying shame.

But I've got a solution for this. When you meditate you think long and hard on something. You turn it over in your mind and maybe even in your heart. Isn't that what you do when you worry? You keep thinking about the thing. You turn it over in your mind. It messes with your heart. You just can't seem to let it go and it's in no hurry to leave you either.

Instead of worrying, meditate. But don't just meditate on any old thing. Instead, memorize scripture, also known as meditating on God's Word. When I memorize scripture I don't just learn the words. I think about what they mean to me. I say the verse over and over, adding emphasis in different places to see what feels right and will help me recall it later. I think about how I can apply it to my life or how it applies already. I'm not able to let it go and it's in no hurry to leave me. At the end I haven't wasted my time. I feel closer to God. I have something to grasp when I need just the right word or thought.

Way back in the Old Testament we're told about meditating on God's Word. In Deuteronomy 6:6-7 it tells us that we should have God's words in our hearts. We should teach them to our children, talk about them when we're sitting down, walking, lying down and waking up.

Well then.

That pretty much says meditate on the Word all the time.

I'd much rather meditate on some scripture that will keep me calm and sane during a rough time than sit around and meditate on the how comes,what ifs and if thens. So the next time I find myself beginning to worry, I'll turn my thoughts to the Word. How about you? Are you willing to turn your worrying into meditating? Try it. I think you'll like it!

Blessings to you all,

Mari

Frank Friday - I'm Off Duty

2011-09-16T01:08:00.002-04:00

If you had ever asked my daughters what my husband says when I ask him how he liked dinner, they'll tell you that he always says "It was alright." That's it. No "it stank" or "it was good" or anything like that. He just says, "It was alright." Honestly, it offended me. So did I try to probe him to see how it could be better? Of course not. That would be the mature, logical thing to do. And I was never feeling that kind of way. In fact, I'll go even further than that. When he would offer constructive criticism, I got mad. I never listened so I could incorporate the things he was telling me. Oh no! Again, that would require maturity, logic and humility. And again, I was never feeling that kind of way. (Not that I'm proud of that. I'm not. I'm just being honest about my junk)

But then......

If you read this post, you'll know I'm committed to deepening my relationship with God. I just need more of His presence in my life. See the previous paragraph for an example of why that's true. There's a teeny, tiny catch to that commitment. Okay, maybe it's not so teeny or tiny. The more of God's presence I feel in my life, the more it changes me. That transforming presence made me care more about my husband's meals. That's a big deal because my husband is picky. Very, very picky. When he says "I'm hard to cook for aren't I?" I don't bother to respond. It's a rhetorical question!

Despite that, I started to really take my time cooking everything instead of rushing through dinner just so I could say I was done. I started paying attention to those little details. You know, the ones he had tried to tell me about a million times. The ones I ignored a million and one times. But I wasn't doing that anymore. Then a funny thing happened. Well two funny things. One, I enjoyed cooking more. Maybe it's because I was doing it out of love instead of duty. Just maybe. The second thing, that is now a common occurrence, is that he complimented me. He said, "Are you cooking my meals with lots of love? I'm asking because this food is so very good." I almost passed out.

I figured it was a one time "slip up". But the next day he said "That was great. Thanks for cooking. Do you want me to help with dishes?" Again, I thought the room might be spinning. It wasn't. It was just my head and heart realizing that I should have done this much sooner. I can't change the past, but I can sure keep the present in good shape.

I'm now evaluating other things that over time, I've started doing with only a sense of duty. I want to replace that with loving purpose. My family is not a duty. It's a privilege. And I plan on treating them that way in every area I possibly can. I wonder if they'll start thinking the room is spinning?

How about you? Is there something you've started doing just to check it off your list? Is there something that you could do from the love in your heart instead of out of duty? Go ahead, go off duty. I dare you.

Blessings to you all,

Mari

Turn It Around Tuesday - When The Rain Is Pouring

2011-09-13T22:02:00.000-04:00

These last few weeks have been quite a ride. Unfortunately, I don't mean that in a fun, exhilarating way. First, my cousin had a stroke and now has paralysis on the right side of his body. Last week my uncle had a stroke. Yesterday my mom called to tell me that one of my cousins was killed. A bullet came through the window, striking and killing him. There are other smaller things that have occurred but nothing like the "big three". I almost cringe when the caller ID announces it's my mom, because I'm dreading more bad news.

This torrent of discouraging news could have shaken my faith. I could have gotten angry with God. I could have thrown up my hands and said, "That's it. I'm tired of this. I quit!" I've been tempted to do that a time or two or thirty in my life. But this time I wasn't there. That wasn't in me. (Right here is where we can give God a clap offering!) Are you wondering why it wasn't in me? Great, because I'm going to tell you why.

I've accepted a church-wide challenge from my pastor to "practice God's presence" at least five minutes every day. In other words, sit in stillness and quiet for at least five minutes thinking on, waiting for and anticipating God's presence and hopefully at some of these sessions, a message from God. This isn't a new concept for me. The problem is that I've never consistently done it. But now I am determined. Why now? Now, because I am desperate to grow closer to God. Now, because it's just time to further solidify my relationship with Jesus.

I read something recently by C.S.Lewis that said we need to become dyed and not painted. I'm afraid all these years I've been painted. Paint fades, chips and peels. That's how I've felt recently. Temporary is no longer good enough. I want permanency. So I'm ready for my dye job. Ever dyed your hair? The dye has to sit for a good little while to actually "take". So I'm going to sit each day for God's presence to "take" in my life. I'm excited about that.

So when that rain came pouring down in the form of bad news after bad news, issue after issue, there was God. In my time of quiet and even throughout my busy days, He spoke two things to me.

I'm still in control. You might not understand what I'm doing. And I know that frustrates you. But trust me. I've always been in control. I'm in control now. I'll be in control in the future. That's never going to change. Let me be me and you simply trust me. I'll never fail you. Never.
Your days were numbered before you were born. I know the day I will call you home heaven. You don't know if that day will come now or ten years from now. Consider each day a gift from me. Unwrap it and choose how you will use it.

Psalm 90:12 says, "So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom." That is my prayer each day now. Instead of turning my thoughts to worry and anger over problems, issues, situations and circumstances, I now chose to turn my thoughts to God and how what He's doing can teach my something. Yes, even the things I don't like. Even the things that hurt. Especially the things I don't understand. I'm not perfect with it yet. Never will be. But I choose to keep practicing His presence and His way of life for me. Will you join me? I promise it will change your life in the most marvelous way!

Blessings to you all,

Mari

FIRST Tour: Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken

2011-08-03T20:04:00.000-04:00

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!

Today's Wild Card author is:

Cindy Beall

and the book:

Healing Your Marriage When Trust Is Broken: Finding Forgiveness and Restoration

Harvest House Publishers (August 1, 2011)

***Special thanks to Catherine Miller, Marketing Assistant, Harvest House Publishers for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Cindy Beall is a writer, speaker, and a mentor to women. She and her husband, Chris, speak openly about their difficult journey through Chris’ infidelity and pornography addiction that nearly destroyed their marriage and ministry. Through God’s grace they have inspired thousands of couples and have returned to full-time ministry where Chris serves as the Oklahoma City Campus Pastor at LifeChurch.tv.

Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

Life changed forever for Cindy Beall when her husband, a respected pastor, confessed to pornography addiction and numerous affairs. Through her remarkable story and with biblical, practical insight, Cindy helps husbands and wives grieve, heal, as they trust God’s power to resurrect something new out of the debris of betrayal.

Foreword by Craig Groeschel, bestselling author and senior pastor of LifeChurch.tv.

Product Details:

List Price: $12.99
Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: Harvest House Publishers (August 1, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0736943153
ISBN-13: 978-0736943154

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

When the Walls Come Tumbling Down

You never forget the day that changes your life forever. The day that turns your heart and your family upside down. But when that day begins, you don’t realize it’s anything out of the ordinary.

It was February 19, 2002, and my husband of nine years, Chris, and I were just getting settled into our new home in Edmond, Oklahoma. He had come out six weeks earlier on his own to begin his ministry with LifeChurch.tv as the worship pastor of the Edmond Campus. I had stayed behind in Memphis to wrap up the sale of our home there. But now we and our almost three-year-old son, Noah, were happily back together under one roof.

On this morning, while Chris was at the church, I was doing the usual stuff that nesters do. I unpacked boxes, fought with bubble wrap, and put away our belongings in the kitchen, the bathrooms, and the rest of the house. I was enjoying the process and thought how good it was to prepare our new home for this new life we had prayed about so fervently.

And then Chris came home unexpectedly at 9:30.

I was about to ask why he was back from work so soon, but the worried expression on his face stopped me from saying anything. He asked if we could talk. The request sounded so formal and distant that my heart raced as I quickly and silently got Noah settled in front of our TV with a Blue’s Clues video and inched my way along a narrow path around stacks of boxes and toward Chris. My mind was spinning in anticipation of what might come out of his mouth.

Had one of our parents died or been in an accident? Had the church changed their mind about adding Chris to the staff?

Chris motioned me to the newly purchased sofa, and we sat down together. I tried to look into his handsome green eyes for reassurance. But those amazing, clear eyes that had captivated me the day we met years before were now downcast. I waited for him to reassure me that all was well in this new life. But instead of words of comfort, the man I had prayed for as a young woman, long before I knew him, was about to share news that would alter the course of our lives in unimaginable ways.

The Prayers of a Young Woman

I first prayed for my future husband while I was serving as a summer missionary on a Native American reservation in Wyoming. Although this ministry experience would become one of the best challenges and inspirations in my life and faith journey, the day I had to say goodbye to my mom at the Austin, Texas, airport was an unhappy one. The cute denim jumper with the cheery sailor collar I wore did little to dress up my sadness at having to leave her and my home to be 1200 miles away for 11 weeks. It felt like a world and a lifetime apart.

The first couple of weeks proved to be difficult. My tear-stained cheeks initially put a damper on the adventure. But eventually I understood that I needed this time to grow up and learn to rely on God.

And I did.

I learned a lot about the woman I would become. I not only learned to lean on God but also discovered that I had a voice and something to say and something worth sharing. I learned that not all things make sense when you follow Christ. And I realized it’s okay to not have an answer for everything. In fact, it’s actually more authentic and appealing when you don’t.

In the midst of my time of learning about God, about others, and most definitely about myself, I had a longing in my heart for true love. The kind of love that would lead me to say to someone special, “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” And I wasn’t the type of girl who had to have a boyfriend on her arm at all times. For one thing, I was taller than most guys my age. This is hardly an asset for a young girl’s dating potential. I also possessed an independent spirit, and I liked the freedom I was experiencing during this stage of life.

Still, this longing for true love grew. I would be turning 21 soon, and although there isn’t a guideline or time frame that says young women should fall in love by this age, I definitely wouldn’t have pushed the opportunity away. If it was the right guy, you understand. My right guy.

One particular July night during that summer mission, I stared out at the beautiful mountains bathed in sunset’s glow and began praying for others and for my future husband. At that moment, the idea popped into my head—thank You, Holy Spirit—that maybe I should pray for my husband’s salvation. So I did.

I prayed that my future husband would have the character, personality, talents, passions, and even the looks that matched up with the list I made about the man of my dreams. I didn’t think I was asking for much. Just the moon, the stars, and everything in between. Why not, right?

I first saw Chris Beall at a barn dance in November 1991. We couldn’t take our eyes off each other. He wasn’t the best dresser, nor did he have a model-perfect smile, but he held my gaze with those intoxicating green eyes. I was smitten almost immediately.

Almost.

It would be a few more months before anything actually began between us. He started frequenting the Baptist Student Union on our campus for our Wednesday lunches. Within a few weeks, at one of those lunches, he asked me for a dinner date the following Monday. I didn’t have to agonize with anticipation for five days. Instead, he came to my church on Sunday and invited me out to lunch with a group of friends. There was so much excitement and “I can’t believe this is really happening” in the air that by Sunday evening, we found ourselves sitting on the balcony of my apartment eating mint chocolate chip ice cream and talking about life, family, and mostly about Jesus. And I found out something special about Chris that evening: He’d been a Christ follower for less than a year, and the date that he gave his life to Christ was July 7, 1991—the summer that the Holy Spirit led me to pray for my future husband’s salvation.

Big sigh.

I knew with every part of my being that Chris Beall was the one for me. I knew it beyond a shadow of a doubt. I knew it in my knower and felt it in my feeler. But what I didn’t know was that the very next day he made a down payment on my wedding ring.

Ten months later, on January 9, 1993, we became husband and wife.

We were so madly in love with Jesus and each other that we were certain we’d conquer it all. We never would have guessed that the road we’d travel together over the course of our marriage would be anything but bliss.

Love was completely blind in our case. It’s a good thing, because little did I know that around year nine, we’d get our sight back.

Confession

I sat down next to Chris on our new couch, and as he began speaking, my throat went dry and my eyes stung with hot tears. Even though shock was making it hard for my mind to make sense of the words and phrases and sentences, my heart and soul took it all in with great sorrow. Chris wasn’t communicating the news that someone we loved was hurt. He was confessing that he, the person I loved most in the world, had hurt and betrayed me in the deepest way.

Chris had been unfaithful.

I was now trembling head to foot as my mind continued to spin with disbelief. I felt nauseous as the confession continued. He had been unfaithful with more than one woman. In fact, he had been with many women in many different places over the course of the past two and a half years.

While I listened, the very real physical pain of a heart breaking took me by surprise. And as I struggled to keep breathing, Chris forced himself to speak the last part of his confession through trembling lips: One of the women was pregnant, and he was pretty sure the baby was his child.

He kept his eyes on me. He didn’t look away for a minute, even when my face clearly changed. His eyes were tender, and I could tell he was devastated by watching me. He didn’t reach out for me right away. He seemed to be in shock that he was actually confessing. Then, as the reality set in of what his news was doing to my heart, he began to cry.

Many angry thoughts could have rushed through my mind at that point, but the unfathomable absurdity of this surreal, frozen moment in time triggered one thought over and over, “You have got to be kidding me!”

He was definitely not kidding.

He sat there just waiting for me to respond. I was stunned and couldn’t make sense of what had just happened. I sifted through emotions and terms for emotions. It was none of them specifically and all of them collectively. Bewildered. Stunned. Shocked. Overwhelmed. Befuddled. Floored. Jolted. Nauseated. Sickened. Disturbed. Crushed. Dismayed. Paralyzed.

Ticked off. And that’s putting it nicely.

The truth is that I still can’t tell you to this day how I felt in those first few moments. What I can tell you is that I was keenly aware that my world as I knew it was forever changed. I woke up that morning a relatively comfortable housewife and stay-at-home mom, and within a couple of hours I became a seriously damaged woman with a marriage on the brink of destruction.

We had both made vows to forsake all others for the rest of our lives. I had kept my vow. He had not. Even when the distance between us grew, I kept mine. He had not. Even when other men showed interest in me, I kept mine. He had not. Even when days came where I didn’t even want to spend time with him, I kept mine. He had not.

When the Walls Fall Down

I was deeply wounded by the truth about the lies that poured from my loved one that morning. I ached not only for me but also for the new church that had hired and embraced Chris. For our son. For our families. For our friends. As the walls of the life we had built came tumbling down, hard realization after hard realization, I felt them crush the foundations of our shared life and the dreams of this new chapter we were entering.

Can you relate to that kind of letdown? Destruction? Betrayal? When the walls have fallen down with such force that you could not breathe beneath the pressure of the debris or see beyond the dust of the rubble?

My spirit was broken that morning. My heart was shattered. Thoughts of moving forward in life or taking positive action would have sounded absurd had anyone been there to suggest them. I could barely conceive of moving my body from that place on the couch. In fact, the only reason I was able to stand up and move was that the impulse to step away from Chris was so strong. I wanted to be as removed from him physically as I felt from him emotionally in that moment. I had never, ever felt so alone.

If you are feeling alone, know that I am here to journey with you, and so is God. He already desires to make you whole, even as the pieces of your known existence seem to be scattered to every corner of the universe. If the walls have tumbled and you cannot recognize truth from lies in the remains, know that God’s grace and power to transform your life are right there in the midst of the debris.

Hold on to your belief in redemption.

I kept mine. Please keep yours as we walk together toward healing.

Your Healing Journey

Has your spouse ever caught you off guard with a heartbreaking confession? If so, what was your initial response?

Have you ever had to make a confession that you knew would break your loved one’s heart? What finally helped you break your cycle of lies?

Have you ever received news that altered your life in a dramatic way? What was it, and how did you handle it? If you are able, take yourself back there mentally and allow God to bring healing as you grieve what you lost and as you journey through this book.

What happens when we bottle up our emotions and choose not to deal with them? Do you know people who do this ? Has this been you? How can you become more able to share or express your emotions?

Discuss ways you can remain committed to your marriage even when you don’t feel like it or when circumstances have caused a lack of connection between you and your spouse.

*****
There were many things I liked about this book. First, it did not try to make it seem like, after infidelity or other reason for broken trust, that things would just miraculously be better. Cindy (and her husband) were very transparent, which is critical when dealing with such a volatile and life-changing topic.

I also appreciated the stories from other couples. These weren't people in the spotlight like Cindy and her husband, which added that much more reality and "hitting home".

Even though Cindy's story was about infidelity, the process she went through could be the same when trust is broken in other ways. It can also be applicable to other relationships where trust can be broken such as a parent/child relationship or a friendship. It's truly a practical book

Hanging Out at Go Ask Mom

2011-07-25T22:40:00.000-04:00

I'm hanging out at WRAL.com today at the Go Ask Mom blog :)

Stop by and visit: http://www.wral.com/lifestyles/goaskmom/blogpost/9896559/

For This Season

2011-06-18T21:16:00.001-04:00

For this season in my life...this is my song. Thank you Father for the ministry of song! Enjoy!

Guest Post: Margaret (Peggy) Fieland

2011-06-13T13:39:00.000-04:00

Hi all! Today we are welcoming guest blogger Margaret Fieland to the blog. Margaret, or Peggy as I call her, was born and raised in New York City. She is the daughter of a painter, the mother of three grown sons and an accomplished flute and piccolo player. She is an avid science fiction fan, and selected Robert A. Heinlein's “Farmer in the Sky” for her tenth birthday, now long past. She lives in the suburbs west of Boston, MA with her partner and seven dogs.

Today we are going to get a lesson in creating characters. Enjoy!!

Creating Characters

I'm a way back sci fi fan, but until I started planning "Relocated " last fall, I'd never written any, so partly to get myself past my "sci fi" block, I decided to write a sci fi novel for 2010 NANO.

In my YA sci fi, "Relocated,"  the main character, 14 year old Raketh (Keth) Frey is an Aleyni/human mix. Aleynis are dark skinned, gray eyed, aliens with psi abilities. In the Terran Federation, use of psi is illegal, and relations between the Aleyni and the Terran Federation are strained at best.

Why dark skin? Well, I wanted my aliens to look distinctive, and I liked the idea of casting against type and making the dark skinned guys the good guys. Plus that's just how they looked in my head.

I started thinking about the Aleyni and their society long before I decided to write the book. The Aleyni had the ability to mind speak and could tell truth from lies. Their society worked on the basis of shared responsibility rather than laws and procedures. Relationships usually involved four persons, rather than two, and two was considered unstable. The relationships involved a fair amount of same-sex interaction.

I've recently completed the second book in the series, in which Keth is four years older. I hadn't yet sent out the first book, so I was able to make a couple of tweaks to make the two hang together.

I did recently discover a pretty cool piece of writing software, character writer. Among other things, it generates descriptions based on enneagrams .It's expensive (otherwise I'd buy it),  but I did download the free version and have found it useful. The descriptions are a starting point for me.

I did more up-front work on my characters (the new ones especially), character arc, plot points, and the like for the second book, and I found it helpful. One of the results was a first chapter in the second book that I really like.

One thing that happens for me is that as I write, my characters and their motivations become clearer. For example, in the second book, one of the characters,  Brad, is involved with Keth's grandfather, Ardaval. Ardaval has to ask a favor of Imarin, one of three rolor'in who left him.  

As far as labels can translate in a sci fi novel or anywhere else for that matter, in my head Brad is gay, Ardaval and Imarin are bisexual, as is Nidrani, the remaining woman from Arda's original foursome (the other woman died). At the end Arda, Brad, Imarin and Nidrani end up together.

Everyone's process is different. While I now do far more pre-planning, laying out of plot points and generating character descriptions than I ever used to, at bottom, I'm a "discover as you go" kind of writer, in that my characters and their motivations, and a great deal of the finer points of the plot, reveals itself to me as I write.

I've written a good bit of story about the secondary characters, pretty much all in third person -- the book itself is in first, from Keth's point of view. I've written about 5000 words of Brad's story, words that may very well never see the light of day, and are not intended to be part of the book.  I could claim I do it to discover my characters, but in actuality I simply enjoy it, and sometimes it's the only way to reclaim some of the real estate in my head.

Keth's father, Gavin, is Ardaval's son by a Terran woman. One of the points in the first book that had bothered me was whether or not Ardaval had been involved in a relationship when Gavin showed up at his door (Gavin was about 18 at the time). This takes place before the action of the first book, and rates a couple of sentences in chapter two of the first book.

When I started writing the second book I ended up creating Imarin and Nidrani and in the process, answered this question. I went back and inserted a line or two about Ardaval's partners having left him (rather than died), in the first book, but otherwise they're not mentioned. 

At the end of the second book, Ardaval, Imarin, Nidrani, and Brad end up together.  When I wrote about the first night the four spend together (NOT for the book),  I discovered much to my surprise, that  Brad did end up responding to Nidrani. I went back and rewrote a couple of sentences in the book as a result. 

Margaret Fieland lives and writes in the suburbs west of Boston. You can visit her website and blog, http://www.margaretfieland.com/

To hear from another great writer, stop by Robert Medak's blog tomorrow and meet Kathy Stemke.  You won't be disappointed!

Wrestling Match

2011-05-31T00:30:00.001-04:00

Have no fear. I'm not going to be discussing WWE or WWF or whatever wrestling "organizations" exist these days. Although, there was a time eons ago that I used to watch "professional" wrestling with my mom. Not sure why she was into that, or why I got into it, but we bonded over many a Von Erich match. Don't judge.

Anywho......

This weekend I spent some time wrestling with God. You see, there are some things in my life that are not as I would like. There were some things that happened last week that I'd really wish hadn't. There are some plans I had for the summer that God effectively shut the door on. Let me just tell you, one of them really broke my heart. I can almost feel the physical pain. Did I mention that it really broke my heart? It did. And so, I got a little down. Okay, a lot down.

My husband has a knack for knowing when I'm wrestling with God. On Sunday he asked if I was having a "want to cry about it day". Why, yes, yes I am I responded. He thought laying down and resting might cure me. As much as I appreciate his efforts to help and console me, I knew that wasn't the solution. I needed to go to the source. And that meant a wrestling match.

I went over to my footstool, plopped my pillow on it and started to pray. And cry. See, this is nothing like professional wrestling. This is the "get down on your knees and beg God to help you be content" kind of wrestling. It's the "ask God why you can never seem to maintain your joy" kind of fight. This is the "asking God why he ~~can't~~ won't show you the "better plan" He has so at least you can feel better" kind of wrestling. It is the "list everything you see wrong with your life at this valley moment" kind of fight.

This, my friends, is what faith is about. It is following God no matter what. Even when we don't want to. Even when it doesn't make sense. Even when we feel justified in being a Jonah. Even when we're mad at God.

Even then, we go to Him. Because only He can make sense of it. Only He can help us walk through it even when it doesn't make sense. Make no mistake. It's not easy. That's the part I often struggle with. I want it to be simple to follow and trust. I want it to be easy to be content. It's not. At least not for me. I know I am tremendously blessed. There are so many things for which I am grateful. But contentment and complete trust in God is still not easy for me. But at the end of the day, as I lay my head on my pillow, I know that God is ready for our next wrestling match. And I think that's a good thing. Because when I stop wrestling with Him, it means I've given up and walked away from my faith. And that will never do. I'd rather wrestle like Jacob did (Genesis 32:22-32) and walk away with a limp. At least I'll still be walking with God.

Amen?

How about you? Have you ever wrestled with God? Tell me about it.

As always, blessings to you!

Mari

Makeover - After Shot

2011-05-25T09:59:00.000-04:00

Stop by WRAL.com's Go Ask Mom blog to see the final product of my makeover. Then pop back over here and let me know what you think :) Enjoy!

Makeover - Before Shot and Interview

2011-05-22T21:52:00.000-04:00

I recently received a makeover courtesy of the WRAL.com Go Ask Mom Blog. My before interview with the editor, Sarah Hall is up on the blog. Stop by and watch. Tomorrow, the after shot will be posted. Be sure to also stop by later in the week if you are local to me and enter for a chance to win your own makeover.

Guest Donna McDine

2011-05-14T13:55:00.000-04:00

Happy Saturday! Today I welcome Donna McDine to the blog. Who is Donna you ask?

Donna McDine is an award-winning children's author, Honorable Mention in the 77th and two Honorable Mentions in the 78th Annual Writer’s Digest Writing Competitions. Donna’s stories and features have been published in many print and online publications, and her first book, The Golden Pathway, was published through Guardian Angel Publishing as well as her second book, The Hockey Agony. McDine’s interest in American History resulted in writing and publishing The Golden Pathway. Ms. McDine is a member of the SCBWI, Musing Our Children, and The National Writing for Children Center.

Quite the resume! Today Donna is going to teach us a little bit about the Underground Railroad.

Code Words Were Essentialin Conducting the Underground Railroad

By Donna M. McDine

The Underground Railroad was a pivotaltime in American history. The bravery and determination of thoseopposed to slavery is one to admire and emulate. To take the time outto have compassion and empathy of others’ plights will certainlybring a greater understanding of each other. Beyond the bravery, theorganizing of the Underground Railroad came to fruition through theuse of code words. By utilizing code words it assured that those forslavery would not “catch-on” to the escape routes and intentionsof the slaves to achieve freedom.

Some of the most common code words:

Abolitionist – a person who demandedimmediate emancipation of slaves.

Agent – a person who coordinated thecourse of escape.

Bundles of wood – escaping slaves tobe expected.

Conductors – the people that helpedthe slaves along the Underground Railroad.

Drinking Gourd – Big Dipper and theNorth Star, which aided the slaves in their nighttime travels toensure they were traveling in the correct direction.

Forwarding – the transportation ofsalves from one station to the next.

Freight or Packages – the slaves wereconsidered passengers or cargo.

Heaven – referred to Canada becauseonce there freedom was imminent.

Load of Potatoes – slaves hidden inwagons under farm produce.

Moses – Harriet Tubman, a conductorwho was instrumental in aiding slaves to freedom.

Quakers – white folks that did notbelieve in slavery.

River Jordan – The Mississippi Riveror the Ohio River.

Shepherds – people who escortedslaves from one station to the next.

Station – place of safety, a safehouse.

Station Master – the keeper of a safehouse.

Stockholder – one who donated itemsto the running of the Underground Railroad.

The use of code phrases was alsoinstrumental in communicating along the Underground Railroad:

“A friend of a friend sent me” –this statement indicates that the slave was sent by the UndergroundRailroad network.

“Steal away, steal away, steal awayto Jesus” – a phrase from a spiritual hymn to alert other slavesan escape attempt would occur soon.

“The dead trees will show you theway” – a telling sign that moss grows on the north side of deadtrees, hence providing direction.

“The river bank makes a mighty goodroad” – since dogs cannot follow a human’s scent through waterthis is the best way to travel.

“The river ends between two hills”– visual directions to the Ohio River.

“The wind blows from the South today”– this signals the workers on the Underground Railroad thatfugitive slaves were in the area.

“When the sun comes back and thefirst quail calls” – early spring was the best time to escape viathe Underground Railroad.

The wealth of information on theUnderground Railroad is immense. Interested in learning more, I offerthe following resources to get you started:

Carson, Mary Kay. The UndergroundRailroad for Kids: From Slavery to Freedom. Chicago ReviewPress, January 2005.

Afrolumens Project, CentralPennsylvania African American History for Everyone.

“Names Used for Enslaved People inPennsylvania”

http://www.afrolumens.org/slavery/names.html

Oracle Education Foundation – TheThink Quest Library.

“Underground Railroad, The Fight toEnd Slavery – Timeline”

http://library.thinkquest.org/J0112391/underground_railroad.htm

Pleasefeel free to visit me at:

http://www.donnamcdine.com

http://www.donna-mcdine.blogspot.com

http://www.thegoldenpathway.blogspot.com

Followme at:

http://www.facebook.com/DonnaMcDine

http://www.twitter.com/dmcdine

Please visit Robert Medak's blog tomorrow to meet another great author, Shelby Patrick!

First Tour - The Fitting Room

2011-05-05T21:51:00.000-04:00

Today's Wild Card author is:

Kelly Minter

and the book:

The Fitting Room: Putting On the Character of Christ

David C. Cook; New edition (April 1, 2011)

***Special thanks to Karen Davis, Assistant Media Specialist, The B&B Media Group for sending me a review copy.***

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Kelly Minter is a singer/worship leader, a recording artist, a popular speaker, and the author of two books (Water into Wine and No Other Gods) and three Bible studies (No Other Gods, Ruth, and Hannah’s One Wish). Among her CDs is one based on insights from her Bible study on Ruth. Minter resides in Nashville, TN.

Visit the author's website.

SHORT BOOK DESCRIPTION:

Kelly Minter explores what it means—in real life—to “clothe” ourselves (Col. 3:12) in Christian virtues like forgiveness, joy, patience, compassion, and more. Can we really “dress up” in the character of Christ? Kelly Minter says the answer is yes—if we let the Master Designer do the fitting. This relatable book offers insightful Scripture study with real-life stories and simple, down-to-earth explanations of tricky concepts such as justification and sanctification—stitching it all together with dry humor and down-to-earth honesty. There are no gimmicks, no guilt trips, just an irresistible invitation for women to enjoy a spiritual makeover—to put on a life that’s personally tailored by the One who knows and loves them best.

Product Details:

List Price: $14.99
Paperback: 208 pages
Publisher: David C. Cook; New edition (April 1, 2011)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1434799859
ISBN-13: 978-1434799852

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:

Where Are They When You Need Them?

The Virtues

A video shoot for a wonderful author and friend is taking place at my house this week. Stylists, cameramen, set designers, talent, and black-clad crew have been running around my home for days. The entire shebang has absolutely nothing to do with me except that twenty people are now using my bathroom. This is a girl’s recurring nightmare. I’ve decided the only true payoff is the round-the-clock

catering, which produces warm cookies every afternoon around three-ish—a routine I am trying to understand how I have lived so richly without.

This morning as the crew arrived, I feverishly applied the last few elements of makeup onto my slightly puffy and pillow-wrinkled face. I threw on my work-at-home uniform, which is made up of jeans, a

T-shirt, and socks if the hardwoods are chilled, flip-flops if it’s summertime. As I meandered through the kitchen—for the catering, of course—I ran into a stylist I knew who was working with the talent. I told her I needed help finding new boots for the winter. She agreed at an alarming rate, well acquainted with my wanting shoe collection. Her exaggerated urgency was tongue-in-cheek, but with a hint of dead-serious. After all, she is a stylist. Clothes are what she does.

If ever there was a spell in history when what we wear is paramount, I daresay it is now. Dress is a multibillion-dollar industry. The garments we drape on our backs, the hats we don on our heads, the jewelry that dangles from our necks and wrists all tell a little of who we are. Our dress is an expression of ourselves, a statement of our personalities or moods. We dress up, we dress down, we dress for comfort, we kill ourselves in high heels to dress for style, we dress for the weather, we dress for others, we dress for ourselves. But what about the dress of our souls? What about the way our character clothes us? And our character does clothe us. We give off far more than we will ever know by the way we greet the barista, drive in traffic, enter a room, answer the phone, glare at our toddler who’s having a meltdown in a non-meltdown-friendly environment. If only it were as simple as hiring a stylist for an extra bag of peace or another color of honesty. Could I get some denim patience for under $100?

I promise not to kill you with the clothing metaphor for the next several thousand words, but I want to pull from the comparison the apostle Paul set in motion in a letter to the Colossians: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience” (3:12). A few verses earlier he writes, “You have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator” (vv. 9–10). The image of clothing, the picture of slipping out of the old and sliding into the new, is an easily digestible concept because we dress every day.

The gap in the metaphor comes when we don’t know how to clothe ourselves in Christ’s character, or when we’ve given it our valiant best and come up short … really short—like we just walked out the door in our towel, and everyone is staring and mortified while we grasp for fig leaves from our ailing character-garden. The breakdown occurs when we were never taught the value of integrity, when anger

and resentment were the prominent traits our parents passed down, when we weren’t modeled the fine art of forgiveness, when sexual escapades were our solution for loneliness, when lying seemed to work better than the truth at untangling our predicaments, or when complaining became our default over contentment.

Basically, the spiritual concept of throwing off scratchy wool for designer silk sounds simply effortless, but the real-life version is another matter altogether. Many of us who have attempted such a wardrobe overhaul have come up frustrated rather than inspired, and this for many reasons we will address in the pages to come. I hope to speak to these struggles while looking at specific character qualities less from an academic view and more from the vantage point of our everyday realities. Because most of us know we’re supposed to take off old things like bitterness and anger and full-on recklessness and put on the new self, which is full of qualities such as kindness and joy and self-control. But knowing this doesn’t automatically make it so.

I can fairly easily write about what these new-life virtues are, their characteristics, and how we need more of them in our lives, but that feels just about as helpful as the book I was reading last night that appropriately told me not to eat out of boredom or past seven o’clock, which triggered the thought that I might be a little bored, which reminded me of the homemade cinnamon-raisin bread I had in the kitchen. Before I could be held responsible for my actions, I had lost my place in the book and was standing in my pajama pants eating bread.

See, I’m pretty sure most of us need more heart transformation than we need more head knowledge, whether it’s about food or far more important things like exhibiting the character of Christ. Knowledge is vitally important, but it seems so many of us in Western Christianity are just crammed with it—really important knowledge that we gain in controlled settings like Bible study—but when up against the prospect of forgiving someone who has just ripped our insides out, or needing to grab patience out of thin air after our roommate has just stepped on our ever-loving last nerve, we are left with a ton of knowledge about what we should do (don’t eat the bread when you’re bored) but have no idea how to do it.

I had the rare blessing of growing up with parents who modeled and taught the character of Christ well. They were big on the “how” of character and emphasized it over most everything else: A struggling grade on an algebra exam was more excusable than lying (which ended up working heavily in my favor … coefficients?); an off game on the basketball court was no problem compared to being disrespectful to a teacher. My parents taught my siblings and me at a young age about humility, gentleness, patience, contentment, gratefulness, purity, and so on. This doesn’t mean I’m good at all these things; it just means I had the privilege of being taught them. And now that I am past most of my adolescent outbursts and full-on temper tantrums—so often directed toward my parents’ instruction—I am ever thankful for their guidance. If only they could get paid back in stocks or something.

Still, the virtues revealed in Scripture are hard enough when you’ve been taught them. But what if you’ve never been exposed to them in the first place? Perhaps it is in response to this question that my deepest desire for the following pages is to shed fresh light on some of the seemingly shadowed and antiquated virtues in Scripture, exposing their beauty, their delicacy, and the freedom in which they are meant to tailor our lives. This is important because so many of us are plainly stuck in life, wearing the same old things and getting the same miserable results. Our character clothes are frumpy, because we’ve never been groomed and fitted from the pages of Scripture.

There are others who are all too aware of the characteristics of godliness but want nothing to do with them, because they were taught such virtues by people who didn’t actually live by those principles. For them, the notion of godly character was flaunted by hypocrites, self-righteous leaders, or possibly angry parents, and they haven’t wanted a piece of its polyester since. Yes, a lot of damage has been done in the name of God and Christian virtue; people have been clothed by reckless tailors. However, one of my greatest hopes is that if this has been your experience, you will give the discovery of authentic godliness another look, because biblical virtues are not punitive but life-giving.

If there are those who have had little exposure to what the Bible says about godly character and those who have had lots of exposure but find it legalistic and binding, then there is a third group as well: those who long to grasp hold of godly traits but find them maddeningly unattainable. Perhaps you have tried to wear godliness like you try to lose weight or work out or stick to a New Year’s resolution. You’ve dug deep but have found that things like moral purity, kindness, or humility simply don’t exist in your closet. You’ve worn the knock-off brands that faintly resemble the real thing, but after a few good washes of reality, their colors fade and their seams split. And so you find yourself not necessarily disdaining the virtues, but having given up on them.

This is a common dilemma, mostly because we mistakenly view godly character qualities as things we can accomplish if we try just a little harder. We promise ourselves we’ll hold our tongues next time or be thankful for what we have. Perhaps one day we muse we’ll graduate to stretching our reserve of patience, or we’ll respect ourselves enough to stop sleeping with acquaintances. But we can never separate the qualities of God from God Himself. True Christian virtues are not something we can slap on ourselves like cutout clothes for paper dolls. They come as a result of heart change that is accomplished through the supernatural love of Jesus. And yes, we will expound on this more, because I am challenging myself not

to offer Christian colloquialisms that are easy to throw out; even though some of them are true, most are vague and inaccessible. I have experienced the frustrating failures of trying to “do better” as a Christian. I’ve been damaged by legalistic authorities whose preaching and practicing lived in entirely different zip codes. And I’ve had times when I just didn’t know much about the heart behind godly virtue, even though my parents gave me a great foundation. Still, the authentic changes that the gentle and unyielding characteristics of holiness have brought about—and are bringing about—in my life are wholly divine and transforming. Not to mention enormously practical.

Practical, because there are relationships that need to be healed from the cancer of bitterness. There are bones that need to be freed from the incessant gnaw of anger. Hurting neighbors who need to hear an encouraging word of kindness instead of the latest morsel of gossip. Children who need to know that we’ve been blessed in our Western society and that contentment is healthier than complaining. Husbands who need peaceful wives instead of anxious ones; wives who need comforting husbands instead of critical ones. Friends who need to be given to instead of demanded from.

I recently wrote a piece that included a list of several virtues, and I asked women to chime in on the virtues they found the most difficult. This was a bit of a trick question, because the virtues are probably all equally hard in their own right, but I was curious as to what their comments would include. I could not have been more delighted by one woman’s sincere reply: “I think I have plenty of each when I don’t need

them. It is only when I am in the situation that I discover that the one I need is the one that I am short of.” This is pure genius. I pondered her sentiments as a possible subtitle to this book: Clothing Yourself in the Virtues You’ve Got Plenty of Until You Need Them.

Of course the very essence of biblical virtues is that they’re only virtues when they’re being tested: Patience is not patience if someone or something is not trying it. Forgiveness is not forgiveness if there is no offense to pardon. Humility is not humility if a person never has to bow. Biblical virtues need to be studied and defined, but if we leave them in the Christian classroom, we will find we’ve got a wardrobe literally bursting with them until the moment we’re invited to the ball.

If this is has been your experience as it has often been mine—if you find that you have virtues in droves until the moment you need them—it may help to go back to the beginning. To begin with God and what He has accomplished that enables us to live all the virtues He embodies. Much of this can be summed up in the opening line of Colossians 3:12: “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved …” See, we can’t really get to the virtues in Scripture until we have a good handle on the truth that we have been chosen, made holy, and are dearly loved. If we take this introductory line away, we are left with a list of dos (clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience …) without any context for them.

Once we understand the context, the way is paved for the often painful work of parting with our old wardrobes, even that A-outfit from college we’re pretty sure we’d still look fabulous in. ’Cause the old and the new don’t coalesce—our human natures don’t meld with the character of Christ. But leaving the old behind can be surprisingly liberating, because it leaves us poised to wear the virtues we will explore in the pages ahead: forgiveness, peace, kindness, humility, compassion, and patience, with a sassy feather of joy in our hats. Virtues that won’t mysteriously disappear when the clock strikes twelve, ones that will actually be there when we need them.

My Review:

I heard a lot of good things about Kelly Minter, so I was excited to read this book. She did not disappoint me. The book reads like a conversation with a good friend, pouring out her heart and wisdom to you.

What I really liked about the book was the way Kelly was able to get the concepts of putting on the character of Christ through stories about her own life. Not all of them were warm and fuzzy, which made it all the more endearing to read. She doesn't come across like a "know-it-all" but a woman sincerely trying to offer her best to help you. To give you an idea of what I mean, about midway through the book, Kelly starts talking specifically about the virtues of Christ. She tells her readers "I will only write about the following virtues in a way I understand and have experienced - or at let hope to experience". Can you say relatable.

I found that the way she presented the concepts was easy to comprehend and begin to apply in your own life. I have done quite a bit of thinking while I've read this book. It is well worth your time if you want to truly begin to live out Colossians 3:12. enjoy!