Tuesday, March 24, 2009

When the Unthinkable Happens

I am ever so happy to be participating once again in Lelia's Yes to God Tuesday Bible Study. I missed the last one and I feel like I am going home now :) We are reading "An Untroubled Heart" by Micca Campbell of Proverbs 31 Ministries. Let's begin shall we?

***Anything in blue is a quote from the book***

First, let me tell you that it took me quite a while to get through this chapter. Not because it was bad, but because I was crying so hard I couldn't see! Micca relates the story of her first husband, Porter. As Micca describes him, "He was such a looker that my friends had only one word to describe him - "Mercy!" WOW! Micca described their courtship and early marriage. And then.....

Micca tells us how Porter was burned in an explosion. I got to the part where she was in the room after his surgery, looking at him on life support. She asked the nurse a question that brought back some strong and painful memories for me. Micca asked, "If you were to turn off my husband's machine, he wouldn't breathe on his own ever again - would he?"
The nurse answered that he would not. So the family turned off the life support and Porter went to be with the Lord.

It reminded me of my dad. He had a rare lung disease. By the time we found out about it, it was too far along. We didn't get his diagnosis until after his lung biopsy. They had put him under sedation to allow his lungs to heal. But when they removed the sedation several days later, he didn't become responsive. They did some tests and reported that he was brain dead. As a family, we made the difficult decision to remove his life support. I was there with my mom as he passed from this life to eternity. And I know he went to meet my sweet Jesus because we had talked about his salvation just before his lung biopsy.

As I read Micca's account, it brought all those memories rushing back and I cried as if it had just happened. Tears are flowing as I write this now. When my dad died, I felt like my life was over. At that time, my marriage was not in a good state. My dad filled in the gaps where my husband was being deficient.

There were a lot of gaps. Micca said "In my mind's eye, I burst through the door to the throne room of grace, shook my fist in the face of God, and boldly questioned, "WHY - why did You do this to me? You could have saved him! You're God!" Oh Micca, I know girl. I said the same thing. "Why did you leave me God with two kids whose father is only physically present. I need help and You, God, just let him die!"

Micca said she turned to Psalm 139 and through it God spoke to her and told her "You are not alone. I am here." And He is. He's always there for us. "My first step in learning to trust God again came when I chose to believe that I am never ever alone. God is always with me." AMEN! I realized this to be true when I saw God change my husband. Were it not for God being with me, I would probably not be married today. But I am glad I trusted God - He is always present and always right!

In the Bible Study portion, Micca makes a very powerful statement that I totally resemble. She says "I desire to be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. I just don't want to have to go through a trial to get there." Yep, I resemble that 100%. Hmm..make that 200%

Yeah, then she throws me a curve ball. Stinker :) She says "However, these are the ways of God. When you and I look to the end result of what our testing is accomplishing, then we can find joy in the midst of it." Micca you are a wise woman! I just hope I can remember this during my next testing.

I cannot wait to see what Micca has in store for us next week. Hopefully I won;t be blubbering the whole chapter like this time! Please stop by Lelia's blog and visit the other blogs participating in the study. See ya next week and until then.....Be blessed!!

4 comments:

Lighthouse Prayer Line said...

Hi Mari,

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Lelia Chealey said...

OH my Girl, I had to wait for the tears to clear so I could type. I'm so blessed that you are back with us. You know I love how you express yourself thru the written word. So sorry about your Dad, but I am so happy he will be in eternity with us...can't wait to meet him. I'm sure he's having a blast hanging with Moses and David!
The conference Gene & I attended a few weeks ago talked about "gaps" in our marriage & how we both have them & fill in the others. So cool how God transformed your husband.
You are a blessing my friend. Thank you for sharing such a tender memory in your heart with us.
Love,
lelia

Carol said...

Mari,

Oh girl, you and I posted so similarly. I cried uncontrollably through the first chapter waited extra days to post and then cried while I wrote too.

This Chapter spoke to me deeply, as did your post.

Thank you for sharing your story.

Hugs,
Carol

Mari said...

Thank you ladies for your kind comments! I am so very exicted about what this study is going to do in all our lives! I look forward to walking this journey with you :)