I read a lot of writers and editors blogs. I belong to several writers groups online. I subscribe to writers magazines. I've been published in an anthology. My first devotional book was released in March. All that would seem to hint that I'm an author wouldn't it? Well, I haven't felt like one lately. I suffer with several chronic conditions, one of which is fibromyalgia. It's the one I despise the most. It takes the most from me. But, it helped me gain some recently.
Since we moved to North Carolina, for the most part, it's remained in remission. However, for the past two months, it's been raging on and off. Actually, more on than off. So my writing went into deep deep hiding. Did I mention deep? Actually a lot of things "went into hiding" but it was my lack of writing that really affected me.
I've read in so many places that "true" writers write because they have to, are compelled to. The only thing I felt compelled to do was nothing, absolutely nothing. I had no desire to write. That scared me. Was I a fraud? Was I not a true writer? Say it isn't so!
Okay, it isn't so. One day last week I took my personal laptop to work. During lunch I sat outside under a shade tree and opened up Word, hoping for something, anything. Tada! The words just flowed. I can't say I've written every day since then, but I've written more in the last week than in the past two months.
Honestly, after using all my energy to make it to work and back home, there's no way I could put together truly cohesive thoughts. I guess I could have tried, but honestly, it wasn't worth it to me. Am I still worried that I might not be a "real" writer? Nope. My perspective has changed. When I'm in a fibro flare, if I can write, great. If I can't, that's fine too. I will not feel guilty because neither of those scenarios changes reality. The reality is that I am a writer. Period.
I felt truly energized when I wrote that one day at lunch. Every time I've written since then, I've felt energized. There are no forced words. They just leap on the page. I think that says it all for me. I've had my health imposed break. That's over. Now back to what I've been doing all my life, writing. That makes me happy.
Be blessed everyone!