Sunday morning during Renee's talk, she directed us to go to one of the crosses and take a card with a promise from the bible. I waited back a bit because I needed to do some business with God before I went to the cross.
I sat. I prayed. "Lord, you know who I really am inside. You know my past sins and you know the ones that I am currently struggling with. I know You are God. No, You are Lord God Almighty. I am putting myself at the foot of the cross today, literally and spiritually, and I am asking you an important question. I know you are able to do this, because nothing is too hard for You. I'm not asking if you are able. I'm simply asking if you are willing to restore me to You. Are you willing to take me back, to allow me to be wooed by you again, to allow me to press into you and incorporate into the core of my being all You are to me and all You have for me? "
The tears just poured. I got into the line, tears streaming down my face and went to the cross. The whole time I was moving toward the cross I was whispering under my breath, "God I hope you are willing." I finally made it to the cross and picked up my card. I was afraid to read it. So I waited until I was back at my seat. I closed my eyes and said "God, I hope my answer is on this card."
The promise on the card was Psalm 25:4-5:
"Show me your ways, O LORD, teach me your paths; guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long."
...you are God my Savior.....
"Yes Mari, I will restore you. I already have. That's why I went to the cross, to restore you to me. Never doubt my love for you. I am God Almighty. Be restored. Walk before me and be holy."
And the tears flowed. I put down my head and sobbed. I had just spoken on Friday night about how I wanted people to know through my writing that their sin was not too big nor their pain too deep for God. God showed me that to teach it to others, I needed to live it out myself.
Saturday night Jennifer Rothschild told us that the content of our lives is what truly ministers. Earlier that day I learned in Karen Ehman's class that we need to not just give a good report but actually live our message.
God had already given me my life verse, Genesis 17:1, which says to walk before Him and be blameless. Sunday morning, He gave me the instructions for being blameless:
- Allow Him to show me His ways
- Allow Him to teach me His paths
- Allow Him to guide me in His truth
- Allow Him to teach me
My promise: My sin is not too great. My pain is not too deep. Christ died to be able to restore me when I walk on a path He's not designed for me. I just need to find my vision for Him again and He'll light the way. I can walk before God and others, knowing He's always right there.
Thank you Father. I love you and adore you!
Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. ~ Ephesians 3:17-18 (NLT)