This weekend I spent some time wrestling with God. You see, there are some things in my life that are not as I would like. There were some things that happened last week that I'd really wish hadn't. There are some plans I had for the summer that God effectively shut the door on. Let me just tell you, one of them really broke my heart. I can almost feel the physical pain. Did I mention that it really broke my heart? It did. And so, I got a little down. Okay, a lot down.
My husband has a knack for knowing when I'm wrestling with God. On Sunday he asked if I was having a "want to cry about it day". Why, yes, yes I am I responded. He thought laying down and resting might cure me. As much as I appreciate his efforts to help and console me, I knew that wasn't the solution. I needed to go to the source. And that meant a wrestling match.
I went over to my footstool, plopped my pillow on it and started to pray. And cry. See, this is nothing like professional wrestling. This is the "get down on your knees and beg God to help you be content" kind of wrestling. It's the "ask God why you can never seem to maintain your joy" kind of fight. This is the "asking God why he
This, my friends, is what faith is about. It is following God no matter what. Even when we don't want to. Even when it doesn't make sense. Even when we feel justified in being a Jonah. Even when we're mad at God.
Even then, we go to Him. Because only He can make sense of it. Only He can help us walk through it even when it doesn't make sense. Make no mistake. It's not easy. That's the part I often struggle with. I want it to be simple to follow and trust. I want it to be easy to be content. It's not. At least not for me. I know I am tremendously blessed. There are so many things for which I am grateful. But contentment and complete trust in God is still not easy for me. But at the end of the day, as I lay my head on my pillow, I know that God is ready for our next wrestling match. And I think that's a good thing. Because when I stop wrestling with Him, it means I've given up and walked away from my faith. And that will never do. I'd rather wrestle like Jacob did (Genesis 32:22-32) and walk away with a limp. At least I'll still be walking with God.
How about you? Have you ever wrestled with God? Tell me about it.
As always, blessings to you!