Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Wrestling Match

Have no fear. I'm not going to be discussing WWE or WWF or whatever wrestling "organizations" exist these days. Although, there was a time eons ago that I used to watch "professional" wrestling with my mom. Not sure why she was into that, or why I got into it, but we bonded over many a Von Erich match. Don't judge.


This weekend I spent some time wrestling with God. You see, there are some things in my life that are not as I would like. There were some things that happened last week that I'd really wish hadn't. There are some plans I had for the summer that God effectively shut the door on. Let me just tell you, one of them really broke my heart. I can almost feel the physical pain. Did I mention that it really broke my heart?  It did. And so, I got a little down. Okay, a lot down.

My husband has a knack for knowing when I'm wrestling with God. On Sunday he asked if I was having a "want to cry about it day". Why, yes, yes I am I responded. He thought laying down and resting might cure me. As much as I appreciate his efforts to help and console me, I knew that wasn't the solution. I needed to go to the source. And that meant a wrestling match.

I went over to my footstool, plopped my pillow on it and started to pray. And cry. See, this is nothing like professional wrestling. This is the "get down on your knees and beg God to help you be content" kind of wrestling. It's the "ask God why you can never seem to maintain your joy" kind of fight. This is the "asking God why he can't won't show you the "better plan" He has so at least you can feel better" kind of wrestling. It is the "list everything you see wrong with your life at this valley moment" kind of fight.

This, my friends, is what faith is about. It is following God no matter what. Even when we don't want to. Even when it doesn't make sense. Even when we feel justified in being a Jonah. Even when we're mad at God.

Even then, we go to Him. Because only He can make sense of it. Only He can help us walk through it even when it doesn't make sense. Make no mistake. It's not easy. That's the part I often struggle with. I want it to be simple to follow and trust. I want it to be easy to be content. It's not. At least not for me. I know I am tremendously blessed. There are so many things for which I am grateful. But contentment and complete trust in God is still not easy for me. But at the end of the day, as I lay my head on my pillow, I know that God is ready for our next wrestling match. And I think that's a good thing. Because when I stop wrestling with Him, it means I've given up and walked away from my faith. And that will never do. I'd rather wrestle like Jacob did  (Genesis 32:22-32) and walk away with a limp. At least I'll still be walking with God.


How about you? Have you ever wrestled with God? Tell me about it.

As always, blessings to you!



Pamela (His maidservant) said...

Love your layout here! Thanks for stopping by. YES, I have been wrestling with God too and hence why I choose to spend this year creating my own Proverbs 31 study. So my blog has selfishly been for me more than anything...pray for spiritual healing and commitment for me. Thank you so much friend!

Believing Him~Pamela

Amy said...

Mari, I wrestle with Him as well. More often than I'd care to admit sometimes. I've wrestled about my blog, about my work in advocating for shelter animals....so many times what He calls me to do...seems like "I'm" wasting my time to others (and me sometimes as well), but I KNOW what He has called me to do....regardless of what I (as well as others) think about it, so I keep trudging forward. Some days I just do what I do and don't give it any thought...but other days...I complain, cry, suck my thumb in the corner, you name it.....I'm a work in progress too. Thanks for your words of encouragement.

Much love,