Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

Thursday, July 5, 2012

It's A Big Day

July 6, 2012 is a very BIG day for my family. First, my baby girl turns sixteen. Sixteen y'all! I can hardly believe I've been loving and parenting this child for that long. Well, longer if you include the nine months I carried her. She and I have had our moments, good and bad. We make no bones about that. But no matter what, I love her fiercely because that's what us momma bears do.  

My time with her here under my daily care is quickly ending. It saddens me because I feel like there is so much more to do. I may never feel like she's ready go forth into the world. That is the peril of being a perfectionist Type-A momma bear :) I'm praying for wisdom for the two years I have before she's a college girl. And fun. Lord let there be some fun please. Amen. 

The other BIG thing that's happening is that we have another teenager moving in with us. Rick and I have agreed -- no we requested, that this young lady be allowed to come live with us. She needs a family to love on her and take care of her while she finishes her senior year of high school. She's a close friend of our oldest daughter. I'm tickled pink she's going to be staying with us. 

And even with that good feeling comes fear. It's a big deal to have THREE, count them, THREE teenage girls living in our house. God put it on our heart to do this. I know we're doing the right thing. Doesn't make it less scary though. I've sat and thought about how I've parented my own girls. Some things I think I did well. Others, not so much. I'm praying I do the right things over this next year. I'm counting on God to "make my paths straight" (Luke 3:4) 

Since He's the one that called us to do this, I'll be leaning heavily on Him to show me what to do and what to avoid. I've been doing that already but now with another life to pour into, I feel an even greater pressing need. I don't want my girls to ever feel neglected but I also know there are some specific things God has pressed upon in regards to my new "daughter". So I want to make sure there is balance and never any resentment.

I recall telling a friend, when she adopted a baby girl from China that I didn't think God would ever call me to add to our family like that. I mean really, her youngest was entering high school! And I was thinking to myself, "I'm struggling to parent the two I have. No way He'd ever ask me to take on more."

In her wisdom, she smiled at me and said "Stranger things have happened." Like agreeing to add a teenager to your house. This is why I regularly tell God he's a card. His sense of humor is so warped sometimes. But I like it anyway. So while He's getting a chuckle out of this, I know He'll be guiding me. 

I've chosen two verses for this new season based on two things:
 
  1. I need God to do this
  2. Anything good that comes from this is all God's doing. Rick and I just the instruments.
"Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this" Psalm 37:5 (NIV)

"If anyone ministers, let him do it as with the ability which God supplies, that in all things God may be glorified through Jesus Christ, to whom belong the glory dominion forever and ever. Amen" 1 Peter 4:11 (NKJV)


In parting, pray friends. Three hormonal teenage daughters and a "praying for menopause to show up any day now" momma bear.  That's all I'm saying :) Be blessed!

Mari

Friday, September 16, 2011

Frank Friday - I'm Off Duty


If you had ever asked my daughters what my husband says when I ask him how he liked dinner, they'll tell you that he  always says "It was alright." That's it. No "it stank" or "it was good" or anything like that. He just says, "It was alright." Honestly, it offended me. So did I try to probe him to see how it could be better? Of course not. That would be the mature, logical thing to do. And I was never feeling that kind of way. In fact, I'll go even further than that. When he would offer constructive criticism, I got mad. I never listened so I could incorporate the things he was telling me. Oh no! Again, that would require maturity, logic and humility. And again, I was never feeling that kind of way. (Not that I'm proud of that. I'm not. I'm just being honest about my junk)

But then......

If you read this post, you'll know I'm committed to deepening my relationship with God. I just need more of His presence in my life. See the previous paragraph for an example of why that's true. There's a teeny, tiny catch to that commitment. Okay, maybe it's not so teeny or tiny. The more of God's presence I feel in my life, the more it changes me.  That transforming presence made me care more about my husband's meals. That's a big deal because my husband is picky. Very, very picky. When he says "I'm hard to cook for aren't I?" I don't bother to respond. It's a rhetorical question!

Despite that, I started to really take my time cooking everything instead of rushing through dinner just so I could say I was done. I started paying attention to those little details. You know, the ones he had tried to tell me about a million times. The ones I ignored a million and one times. But I wasn't doing that anymore. Then a funny thing happened. Well two funny things. One, I enjoyed cooking more. Maybe it's because I was doing it out of love instead of duty. Just maybe. The second thing, that is now a common occurrence, is that he complimented me. He said, "Are you cooking my meals with lots of love? I'm asking because this food is so very good." I almost passed out.

I figured it was a one time "slip up". But the next day he said "That was great. Thanks for cooking.  Do you want me to help with dishes?" Again, I thought the room might be spinning. It wasn't. It was just my head and heart realizing that I should have done this much sooner. I can't change the past, but I can sure keep the present in good shape.

I'm now evaluating other things that over time, I've started doing with only a sense of duty. I want to replace that with loving purpose. My family is not a duty. It's a privilege. And I plan on treating them that way in every area I possibly can. I wonder if they'll start thinking the room is spinning?

How about you? Is there something you've started doing just to check it off your list? Is there something that you could do from the love in your heart instead of out of duty? Go ahead, go off duty. I dare you.



Blessings to you all,

Mari





Monday, July 25, 2011

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Power You Do Have

Recently both my girls had to make decisions about honoring commitments. One was in a group that got embroiled in drama and was almost disbanded. The other found out a group she is interested in joining next year was holding practices while she was already committed to another group.

To read the rest of my post, head on over to the Go Ask Mom Blog at WRAL. I'm hanging out over there today.

Enjoy and be blessed!


Mari




Sunday, December 19, 2010

18 years and counting....

18 years ago, I walked down the aisle of the church I'd attended since I was a little girl and became Mrs. Ricky Taylor.




It was my privilege to serve as matron of honor in my brother's wedding yesterday. As a special gift to me, my brother and my husband arranged for a special anniversary dance at his reception. Rick and I danced to the same song we danced to at our own reception 18 years ago. What a wonderful surprise!

18 years, 1 move across country, 2 teenagers and we are still together.

"Ricky, I love you. God bless and keep you safe and with me. Thank you for 18 years. Here's to 18 more!"

See everyone here next year! Be blessed!



December 18, 2010


Sunday, December 5, 2010

December Craziness

This year I am not going crazy over shopping that's not done. Oh no. That would be too easy. I have new challenges this year.

Since I have two daughters in high school now, I get a double dose of finals and the standardized End of Course (EOC) exams. Since their school is on block scheduling, they do a whole year's worth of a subject in one semester. So my oldest has two EOC exams and then two regular finals. My youngest has 3 finals and two mid-terms because her combined History and English class is actually a year long course. Let's not mention the number of projects they've had over the last couple of weeks. I know you are wondering what this has to do with me. I'm the "scorekeeper" so to speak. You know:

"Why is the TV on when you have a project to work on?"
"Did you verify the date when that project is due,
because I could swear it's tomorrow and not Friday"
"You have a test tomorrow too??"
"No I won't log onto the main computer account, use the homework account"
 (the one that has Facebook, Twitter, Formspring and Tumblr blocked,
because really, you're supposed to be doing homework LOL)

And if my girls are up, I'm up. Blame my mother. She never left me up doing homework. She was always awake to provide moral support, sharpen pencils, type while I wrote or fix a snack for energy. I do the same for my girls. Can I just tell you, we've had a lot of late nights! Momma is tired of projects, tests and quizzes that I'm not directly involved in. I can't wait until next Thursday when the last exam is over.

Well.....actually I don't get a break then either. We're heading to Chicago to attend a family wedding. We just found out about it 2 months ago so this is a brand new wrinkle in our December schedule. My husband and I will also celebrate our 18th anniversary while we're there. Why? Because I refuse to deal with airport security on my anniversary. I'm just saying.  Then we'll head back and spend the 3 days we'll have left getting ourselves ready for Christmas.

I'm finding it harder to find a hiding place for my husband's main gift than actually shopping. He's told me he searches for it when I leave the house. Really honey?? How old are you? It helped a lot to do some of this year's shopping online (free shipping is my new BFF). But then I have to act like a stalker, waiting for the UPS guy. After all, I need to grab the box so no labels are seen. All I have to say about that is.....Really family?? Wait until Christmas!!

Did I mention that I'm a little over a month on a brand new job. I'm learning a ton but still, with all this other stuff going on, I'm a bit overwhelmed. Just a tad. Okay a couple of tads.

Anyway, how is your December coming along? All done shopping? Any wrinkles in your holiday schedule?

I have to go check on a child working on yet another project, so I'll leave you with this...

Be Blessed!!! And be a blessing!

Monday, November 15, 2010

My New Normal

This week marks the start of my "new normal".  I resigned from my old job 5 weeks ago. I flew out to Salt Lake City, Utah for new hire training for my new job. My mom flew out here to help my husband with the girls while I was gone. Sorry, but he's just not a good homework taskmaster. My mom is a master at it! I learned from the best. And he won't cook two dinners every night either to accommodate our vegetarian daughter. But mom would.

When I returned from new hire training, my mom, my husband and I setup my "office". You see, I'm now working from home everyday. Mom stuck around for a week to ease my transition. Let me tell you, I loved not having to cook or clean for a week. Well actually it was two weeks if you include my week in Salt Lake! I love that woman. I wonder if she'll let me rent her out? My friends keep begging me! LOL

Mom left on Saturday. And so began my new normal. This is my first week working from home with no one else in the house during the day. It was kinda weird today. Working from home is quite different than I expected. But I enjoy it. I do miss all my friends from the old job. Thank goodness for IM and Skype! I'll have to make time to join them for lunch very soon.

I've had to start leaving notes downstairs that read, "Quiet, I'm on a conference call!" so the girls don't walk in and yell, "MOOOOM!". My girls love having me physically here when they get home. I think I'm like Linus' safety blanket to them. You know what? I'm good with that.

I'm rediscovering working while listening to music, because my house is just too quiet during the day. I'm used to loud laughter, loud conference calls and well you know, noise! I used to only listen when I was upset or frustrated and needed something to soothe my nerves. Now I listen for fun and comfort.

Despite the adjustments I have to make, I don't think I'd trade this for the world. I love the new company.  It differs greatly from my old company. Thank goodness! The new company has high expectations of me but you know what? I'm okay with it. They aren't unrealistic expectations.

I'm looking forward to adapting to the new normal that is now my life. I don't always love change. It's often difficult and scary. But sometimes change is good. In my life, this time around, change is great!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Forgot to Share

I just realized I forgot to share with you my latest blog post on wral.com's Go Ask Mom blog. I have been blessed to be able to blog once a month on parenting teenagers. I'm no expert. But I think other moms of teens like reading about another mom's journey. I feel quite privileged.

So....stop by, take a read and comment if it resonates with you in some way.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Just Like Momma

When you were younger did you ever say "I want to be different from my mom or my dad?" I think I said it a few times. Silly me!

Now that I'm a momma, I realize I'm a lot like my mom. When I had a big exam or project, she always stayed up with me. Even though she couldn't help me with Organic Chemistry or Calculus, she never left me alone. She'd always stay up to encourage me, ask me if I thought it would be better to sleep for a while and to make sure I didn't pull all my hair out. LOL

I found myself doing the same thing last night, as I have on several other nights. My oldest beauty had another portfolio (read several mini-projects and worksheets) due. As usual, she had a way to go before she was done. I could not leave her up by herself. I had to stay up. I wasn't going to do the work for her, just like my mom didn't for me, but I could stay up to support and encourage her. So I did.

Just like momma.

She loved me the best way she could in that situation. And I extend that same kind of love to my daughters. And guess what? I'm okay with it. I really don't mind loving them just like momma, because with age and station in life has come wisdom. Thank goodness for that!

What do you look at differently now that you're older or in a different stage or station in life? Think about it and leave a comment :)

As always, be blessed!

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Good And Sad News

I'll start with the sad news and then move on to something more cheerful.

Saturday my husband's nephew was laid to rest. If you want to read a bit more about this, read here. It saddens and sometimes angers me that his life was brutally taken from him. My husband attended the funeral. He said it was tough and sad and hard.

I ask you to pray for his mom. This was her one and only child. I cannot even begin to fathom the depths of her grief. Pray for God to comfort and strengthen her in the days to come. Pray for the family as a whole for our comfort as well.

And now......

I need to announce the winner of the summer boredom buster gift basket.


Winner Winner, Chicken Dinner..........

Gift Basket goes to ....Robin Porter!

I know Robin personally. She has two beautiful girls and I know this basket will be out to good use.

Congrats Robin!!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Summertime Boredom Buster Giveaway

So everyone is gearing up for summer. And moms are wondering what to do with their kids. I promise it gets a bit easier as they get older. But for my fellow moms and friends of moms, I'd like to pass along a special gift basket to one lucky reader courtesy of Primrose Schools.

Remember, I attended a fun and informative mom blogger social there a few months back? (Wow has it been that long already??!!) In case you missed that post with the great pictures of the Primrose facility out in Morrisville, click here. Well, Kim from Primrose sent me a Happy Gram, which was completely unexpected! And I'm going to bless one of you with it.

What's in it you ask? Fun summer time stuff for the kiddos. It's all part of boredom busters for the summer. In it you will find most of what you'll need to create a boredom jar (see below for details), including the jar, stickers, glitter glue pens, colored note cards and a hard copy of the boredom busting ideas listed below. And they're wallet friendly. Music to the ears of a cheapskate, I mean frugal mom LOL!

All you have to do is leave a comment on one way you've found to fight summer boredom. Be sure to include your email address so I contact you if you are the winner. Tell all your mommy friends to stop by for a chance to win!

Thanks to Primrose Schools for providing this great summertime gift basket. I look forward to seeing what great and creative mommy minds I have reading this blog. Enjoy and stop back by on Friday when I announce the winner! Also be sure to check out the summer boredom chasing tips below

As always be blessed and definitely not bored!!


Bust Summertime Boredom with
10 Wallet-Friendly Ideas from
Primrose Schools

What could be worse than a rainy summer day, when your children are cooped up inside and you have nothing planned? For parents, even sunny days that seem filled with endless opportunities, still yield the inevitable “I’m bored!” Undoubtedly, your children will utter those words at least once during the upcoming summer months.

Studies show that without stimulation, children can lose up to 60 percent of what they learned during the school year. Primrose Schools, a family of 200 accredited private preschools, suggests the key to overcoming summertime boredom and the “brain drain” effect is to encourage imaginative play and have a plan in place to keep children engaged during the summer months.

“It’s important to keep children’s minds active during the summer, but it doesn’t take an expensive activity or big vacation to capture their attention,” said
Dr. Mary Zurn, Vice President of Education for Primrose. “After all, imagination is free.”

Summer is a great time to encourage children to let their imaginations soar. School schedules can sometimes be demanding and time for less structured, imaginative activities is often scarce. The freedom of summer gives children large blocks of uninterrupted time to create projects of their own choosing that can last several days or even longer.

Here are 10 ideas parents can use to keep young minds active during the summer months:

1. Banishing the Boredom Jar: At the beginning of the summer, sit down with your family and brainstorm a list of activities that can be done alone or that you can enjoy doing together. Encourage your children to share their own ideas and help you decorate and label a simple jar as the family “Banishing the Boredom Jar.” They’ll feel more involved in the project and more likely to think this is a “neat” idea, if they participate in the creation and idea generation. Next, write everyone’s ideas down on slips of paper and as a group decide which ones should go in the jar. Anyone in the family can pull any idea out of the jar to fight the summertime boredom blues.

2. Stories Alive: It sounds too simple, but reading is one of the most important ways to keep young minds engaged during the summer. Make reading even more fun by finding ways to bring the stories to life. For example, in the book Roxaboxen by Alice McLerran, children create a make-believe town in the desert out of rocks, boxes, and their imaginations. Read the book with your children and then challenge them to create their own town with materials they find in the backyard.

3. Art Treasure Chest: You’ll need to gather basic art supplies–child safe scissors, glue, markers, tape, and construction paper. Put them in a special box along with empty oatmeal boxes and paper towel rolls, colorful magazines, and bits of aluminum foil. Occasionally add a special surprise like chalk, stickers, or stamp pads so there’s always something new for the children to find. Even if you normally have these supplies around the house, it‘s fun for children to know that the Art Treasure Chest is just for them. They’ll probably have some good ideas of other household items that can be recycled to fuel their creative energies.

4. Family Performances: Break out old clothes or costumes and encourage children to make up characters and create a play to act out. They are the directors, actors, and producers. They can also make musical instruments out of pots/pans, wooden spoons, empty canisters and have a parade; or everyone can play along to your family’s favorite songs. Record or video the performances, and enjoy the replay. You’ll also be capturing a bit of family history everyone will enjoy for years to come.

5. Fort Building: Children love to build all kinds of structures--from small towns to large towers. Constructing forts or tents is an activity that can keep children focused and problem solving for hours. All the items you need can be found around the house–some chairs, cushions, blankets… and of course adult supervision.

6. Cookbook Fun: Have you ever shared your favorite cookbook with your children? Take it out and ask your children to choose a recipe to try. Measuring can be a fun and easy way to keep math skills fresh.

7. Summer Scrapbook: All you need for this project is a spiral notebook. Encourage everyone in the family to draw pictures of favorite activities and collect mementos from special events throughout the summer. Children love to go back through scrapbooks and albums and tell about what happened at each occasion. They will also be building their storytelling skills at the same time.

8. Listening Game: Lie down in the backyard, in the den or at the park and listen. What do you hear? Do you hear what I hear? Can you imitate the sound? This is similar to watching the clouds and naming the shapes, and it encourages everyone to slow down and focus on listening.

9. Camping Out: Pretend to camp out in the backyard. Plan a meal, pack a backpack and set up a campsite. You might even decide to spend the night!

10. 1Scavenger Hunt: Make a list or picture cards of common household items and have your children find the items on the list. Invite friends or neighbors to join in the fun to make it a competition.

Parents can use this list of ideas as a starting point for summer activities that offer a balance between the freedom of child-initiated play time and more structured activities.

“Keeping children engaged with open-ended activities that stretch their imaginations during the summer months helps them develop their independence, creativity, and thinking,” said Dr. Zurn. “We want to help parents keep the “brain drain” at bay while their children play.”

When preparing for a brain-drain-free summer, remember to suggest or provide age appropriate activities. Many times, children say they are bored because the activity they were doing was either too simple or too advanced to keep them occupied for long. Activities should be fun and challenge what they know, but should keep in line with the interests and developmental levels of your children.

Ultimately, we know every child is different, with different interests and learning styles so having a variety of ideas is a great way to be prepared during the summer months. Involving children in the planning of ideas gives them an opportunity to express their individuality and creativity.

So with these tips in mind, sit down with your family and make a plan for an engaging, imaginative and fun summer.

Find Dr. Zurn’s Monthly Tips Online at:
www.drZandMe.com

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Loving my Father God

These past 10 days have been so completely difficult. I withdrew from Facebook and Twitter. I posted one personal post here. I am a hurting woman right now. I don't understand what is going on in my crazy life......



BUT GOD....



is my Father and I trust Him. I don't understand what He is up to, but I trust Him. He's never failed me. He won't now.



Now can someone please tell my heart and my emotions? Thanks!



What is wonderful is that He loves me, even when I act like I don't know whose I am. He loves me no matter what. And I love Him. He is the best father a girl can have. My earthly father is up there hanging out with God in heaven. So now I lean solely on my Father God for fatherly advice and fatherly love.



I hope you lean on Him too. He's the best!



Happy Father's Day to all the dads. Use the best daddy in the world as your blueprint and you'll do well.



Happy Father's day Abba Father, Adonai. I love you. Thank you for being the best daddy I could ever want or have.



Be blessed everyone!



Sunday, June 14, 2009

Devastating End to a Weekend

This is going to be a fairly short post. This Sunday has brought bad news on top of bad news.

The most devastating is that my husband's nephew is laying in a hospital bed in Chicago on life support as the result of a brutal beating. This young man was the ring bearer in our wedding. I don't have a lot of details right now but I know his skull was crushed. I am beyond words and tears don't seem sufficient. What I cling to is prayer and my faith.

On the heels of that news, I also received an email that the mother of one of Rick and I's friends died. We met her over Thanksgiving and shared dinner with her and the family. Death stings more when you've interacted on a a personal level with someone, no matter how brief. I ache for her son and her daughter-in-law, who've become dear friends to us. Losing a parent is hard. Rick and I lost both our fathers within 4 months of each other. This death, it beings all that pain and sorrow back to the surface.

It all just reminds me how precious time is with loved ones. Use it wisely. Heck, use it! Family is our primary ministry. And if it is not, I say with conviction and passion, it should be.

And now, I must go pray with my husband to petition God for our nephews life, it that be God's will. And if not, then peace and healing for the family. Also I will pray for justice to be rained down on the people who did this to him.

We covet your prayers during this time.

As always, be blessed...and tonight...go love your family!

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Heartfelt Memorial

Friends, there is so much to say, to catch you up on (I know that's not proper English but indulge me today), but today is not the day for that. I'll be back later this week to do the catching up part, so get your reading glasses ready. LOL

Today I just want to ask you to pray for those in our military. Right now my family and I have a dear friend who is deployed in Iraq. Him and his precious family just returned from an overseas stint. They were relocated to Texas and had a beautiful baby girl in December. And now daddy is away, serving his country. It simply breaks my heart. I love him, his wife, their two sons and their new baby girl like they are blood relatives. I pray for his safety and their care. He simply must return home to us. We haven't seen them in a couple of years. We are overdue for a reunion between both families with all members present! I pray that this prayer falls within God's will for us.

This story is the story of so many in our military. It has been the story of many in our military over the years and through many wars. I cannot fathom how they do what they do for us and for this country. It is a great sacrifice. We can never ever appreciate them enough. We simply can't.

Pray for my friends. Pray for my stepson, who is also a reservist and has himself been deployed several times in the past couple of years. I pray he doesn't have to go again. Yet I know that prayer may not be answered. And it's okay, because in the end, God sits on the throne. He is sovereign. And I trust Him.

Trust Him today with the lives of our troops. Pray for their safety. Pray for them to keep serving with courage and pride. Pray for their families, who are left to try to live without a big hole in their lives. Pray for us civilians, that we appreciate what they do and that we continue to pray. I pray blessings on our soldiers and all who have gone before them. God bless them. And may He bless you as well today.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

He's Hot

I was sitting in church last night for the last session of a three year marriage class. My husband was running late and was going to come later. Because of that, I took a look toward the door every now and again.

The last time I did that, I saw him walk in. He was wearing a grey shirt. I never got past the shirt. I was newly attracted to him. Nothing special about that shirt mind you. I've seen him in it a million times. But something about him at that moment just struck me afresh. I was thinking and something my daughter would say came to mind ~~ "He's hot!"

The whole thing tickled me. I wonder if my table mates saw my little smile. It was a smile to God. "Thanks God. You are just so amazing. And your sense of humor-I get it tonight." It was a smile for my husband, because after 18 years together, he can still stir my heart and my hormones. LOL It was a smile for myself. I can store this moment in my memory and pull it out on those "not so great" marriage days.

I love that God can take something that seems so common place to us and give us a new perspective on it. What things have you been taking for granted? What has become common place to you? Ask God to give you a fresh perspective. Ask him to let you see with new eyes, His eyes even. My prayer for you is that you ask it, receive it and appreciate it.

I leave you with a verse from Song of Solomon. It reminds me of how I felt last night. If you've never read this book of the Bible, be forewarned. It's a hot number, like my husband! LOL
Read on, ponder it and as always......Be blessed!

"Awake, north wind! Rise up, south wind! Blow on my garden and spread its fragrance all around. Come into your garden, my love; taste its finest fruits." Song of Solomon 4:16 (NLT)

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

First Tour: Murder By Family

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!



You never know when I might play a wild card on you!





Today's Wild Card author is:





and the book:



Murder by Family: The Incredible True Story of a Son's Treachery and a Father's Forgiveness

Howard Books (May 12, 2009)



ABOUT THE AUTHOR:




Kent Whitaker was happily married to Tricia for 27 years, until she and their younger son Kevin were murdered in December, 2003. At that point, Kent retired from the construction business and put his energies into restoring his life and working with his remaining son Bart, who was charged and later given the death penalty for arranging the shootings.



This story has been featured on CBS’s crime program 48 Hours Mystery and on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Taping for ABC’s Primetime and Good Morning America has been completed, with airings scheduled for Spring of 2009. In September, 2008, Howard Books (Simon & Schuster) released his book Murder by Family, which tells this amazing (and ultimately uplifting) story of forgiveness, healing and how God works within tragedy to bring about great good. Murder by Family was recently named to the New York Times Best Seller List.



Through a busy schedule of speaking nationally, Kent shares his story of forgiveness and new beginnings to churches, business groups, conferences, and prisons. He also volunteers for nonprofit organizations in the Sugar Land, Texas, area and for River Pointe Community Church.





Visit the author's
website.



Product Details:



List Price: $13.99

Paperback: 224 pages

Publisher: Howard Books (May 12, 2009)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1439164606

ISBN-13: 978-1439164600



Also available in hardcover:



List Price: $22.99

Hardcover: 224 pages

Publisher: Howard Books (September 23, 2008)

Language: English

ISBN-10: 1416578137

ISBN-13: 978-1416578130



AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:





The First 200 Minutes





I had always heard that your life flashed before your eyes. But that’s not what happened as I lay on the cold concrete that December night, watching the blood from a gunshot wound cover my white shirt. Instead, I found myself praying for my family. There had been four shots, one for each of us.



I told God that if it were my time, I was ready to die, but I prayed that he would spare my wife and two sons. I called to each of them but got no response except for a few quiet, wet coughs from my wife, Tricia. Although I couldn’t see her from where I had fallen, I knew that it was her because when I had first tried to get up, I saw her blond hair splayed out on the threshold of our home’s front door. Though I had never heard that kind of cough before, I instinctively knew it was the sound of a person trying to clear lungs filling with blood. The silence coming from the dark house was horrible. My God, I thought, he’s shot us all.



Life can change in a moment. Just seconds earlier we had been a happy family of four returning from a surprise dinner celebrating our older son Bart’s anticipated college graduation. He had called that afternoon, telling Tricia that he was through with exams and was coming home for the evening. We had enjoyed a great seafood dinner, including a dessert with “Congratulations!” written with chocolate syrup on the plate’s edge. I snapped a few pictures, and then we took the short drive home. How strange that those would be the last photos we would ever have together.



As we got out of the car, our younger son, Kevin, a sophomore in college, led the way to our front door. He stepped inside, with Tricia right behind him. I heard a huge noise, but I didn’t immediately recognize it as a gunshot. A moment of silence, and then Tricia exclaimed, “Oh, no!” as another shot was fired. I still didn’t understand what was happening. I stepped forward and for the first time saw inside the house. The light from the front porch illuminated a ski-masked figure about eight feet away, standing next to the stairs. I couldn’t see Kevin, though he was lying in the shadows next to where the man was standing, or Tricia, who must have been right by my feet. I just stood there wondering which one of Kevin’s goofball friends was playing a joke on us with the paintball gun.



Suddenly I was slammed in the shoulder with enough force to send me spinning back and to my left. Landing face up on the front porch, I still didn’t grasp what was happening. As I tried to get up, I felt a searing pain in my right arm and realized it was badly broken. A fourth shot rang out as comprehension flooded in. We had been shot. We had all been shot. It struck me that I might be dying.



Then my neighbor Cliff was kneeling over me, comforting me. “Don’t worry, buddy! Help is on the way!”



In the distance I heard sirens as Cliff pulled off his T-shirt and pressed it to my wound. I realized then that no one knew where the shooter was and that Cliff might be in danger. I panicked. “Get out of here! He may still be inside!”



Cliff told me to hold on and ran for home. Moments later a squad car pulled up in front of our house, and then another, and a third. I was aware of more sirens, including the deep foghorn of a fire truck, but they were still far away. With heightened senses I heard muffled footfalls as police ran into and around the house, guns drawn and flashlights flicking illumination into the shadows. After only a minute or two someone called out that the house was clear. By then the whole cul-de-sac that faced our home was full of emergency vehicles. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes since the shootings.



People were everywhere. Neighbors were streaming out of their homes while paramedics swarmed. Two men worked on me, cutting away my leather jacket and shirt, trying to stop the bleeding. I repeatedly asked for information on my family, and finally one of the paramedics quietly said, “Sir, please, let us do our job. You’re in good hands, and lots of good folks are with the rest of your family.”



Then, over all the confusion and noise, as they hurried inside the house, I heard one policeman ask another, “What do you want to do about the DOA?”



My heart froze. Dead On Arrival. I knew that at least one of my family members had died. But which one? And why? Were they all dead?



The sound of a helicopter cut through the night, and I saw the landing lights and then the cherry-red body of Life Flight. Three paramedics raced a gurney down the sidewalk, and one of the police officers told me that they were taking Tricia to the hospital. My heart leaped with joy, because that meant she was still alive. Thank God! But then I realized that this also meant that at least one, and by now perhaps both, of my boys were dead. I began to shake all over and knew I was going into shock. I chattered to the paramedics that I was freezing and that they had better get something to cover me. They replied that as soon as Tricia’s Life Flight took off, the second Life Flight would land for me.



What? Life Flight for me? Was I hurt worse than I realized? Did this mean that both boys were already dead, and there was no need for them to be flown to the medical center?



I really didn’t have time to think about it: with a storm of air and sound, the helicopter took off, and moments later a second one landed. I was put on a gurney, covered with warm sheets and a blanket, and stowed in the back. With the high-pitched scream of jet turbines, we took off and began our eight-minute flight to the Houston Medical Center, part of perhaps the finest network of hospitals in the country. If anyone could keep my family alive, the medical staff there could.





Minute 30—Flashback



As we flew, I caught occasional glimpses of freeways and buildings through the copilot’s floor windows. My mind jumped back six months to my only other helicopter ride. The boys and I were in Colorado, on an adventure to celebrate my fifty-fifth birthday. We spent one day mountain biking and another racing along challenging trails on four-wheel ATVs. But my favorite part of the trip was the two days of intense white-water rafting on the Arkansas River as it snaked through the Royal Gorge. While on the river, we saw a sleek red helicopter crest the gorge 1,100 feet above us, roll into a steep dive, and pull up just before hitting the river. It rocketed fifty feet over us, blasting us with downdraft. All six of us guys in the raft went wild.



The next day we took the ride.



It was like a roller coaster without tracks. Incredible! The boys and I enjoyed it so much that we did it again two days later before coming home; it was one of the most wonderful memories of my life. But as I looked out at the lights of the hospital landing pad, remembering that fantastic trip, I felt as though I were watching the home videos of some other person; there was just no connection. I was numb.





Minute 40—In the Trauma Unit



It only took a moment for the trauma team to whisk me inside, where I was surrounded by doctors and nurses - none of whom would tell me anything about my family. The next thing I knew, my mom and dad were there. Someone from the hospital administration arrived, and when I asked her about my wife and sons, she told me not to worry: my son Bart was being transferred by ambulance and would arrive shortly. He would be treated in this same room, just a few feet from me. That told me everything, as I read between the lines. They were only working on two of us.



I turned to my parents. “Mom, I think there’s a good chance that Tricia and Kevin are dead.” Turning to the woman from administration, I asked, “Isn’t that so?” She looked at me for a long moment, nodded her head, and said that it was.



Bart was wheeled into the room a few moments later. I learned that he had rushed into the dark house and, in an apparent scuffle with the shooter, had been shot in the left arm. He was in shock, reacting to the horror of everything. The trauma team scurried around, cleaning wounds and applying temporary casts, since both of us had broken arms. The bullet had entered my right shoulder and traveled through the arm muscle, striking midhumerus and shattering the bone. Bart’s upper left arm was broken where the bullet had hit. Amid the organized chaos, things began to sink in; God was allowing the truth to come a little at a time.



I felt God’s presence and comfort. On one hand I was beginning to absorb how radically things had changed, while on the other I had a calm assurance that I was not alone and that God would knit whatever happened into his plans for good. Scriptures of comfort came to mind. It was as if God gave me a shot of emotional Novocain. Even though I was becoming more aware of the extent of the tragedy, I trusted God.



Before I knew it, I was being wheeled out of the trauma center and into a corridor. As we passed through the big emergency room doors, I was met by forty or fifty friends. I rolled through a canyon of loved ones. Touched by the grief and worry in their eyes, I began to comfort them. I can’t explain it; the words just came out. My response was unexpected and somewhat out of character.



Later that night, after the nurses had gone, I was finally alone with my thoughts. I lay there trying to wrap my mind around it all—and wasn’t doing a very good job. Piece by piece the reality settled onto my soul.





Minute 180—Reality and Choices



My wife, my lover, my best friend, the one who knew and loved me better than any other, to whom I had been true for twenty-eight years, was dead. My son Kevin, with his incredible Christian faith, his crazy, fun-loving personality, and his passion for sports and the outdoors, would never graduate from college, marry, or give us grandchildren. Bart was down the hall suffering a grief and shock that seemed even more intense than what I was feeling. At fifty-five, I would be facing the last third of my life without most of my family.



For years I have told people that faith is not a feeling but a conscious act of the will. You have to choose to trust and believe, especially when circumstances and your feelings are screaming that you can’t trust God . The Bible says that God can take everything and work it for good for those who love him and are called to his service; well, Tricia and Kevin loved him, and so did I. We were all called to his service, but how could these murders possibly be worked for good? I could imagine no such scenario. And if that verse of the Bible was untrustworthy, what other verses might not apply when I needed them? I might as well throw it all away.



So, here I was, in the middle of a horrific situation in which I had to choose either to go with my feelings and slip into bitterness and despair or to follow my own advice and stand on God’s promises even when they don’t make sense. I wrestled with this for a long time, because I knew that I could go either way and that the consequences of the choice were serious.



Finally, I made the decision to stand on the promises of God. It was one of the most important decisions I've ever made.



When I resolved to trust God, I felt a peace come over me that had nothing to do with the morphine drip. The next thought popped unexpectedly into my mind: What about the shooter?



I realized that God was offering me the ability to forgive, if I wanted to take advantage of it. Did I really want to forgive this guy? I know the Bible says we are to forgive those who hurt us. I know God tells us that vengeance is his, if he chooses dispense it. I have even heard secular health professionals say that forgiveness is the most important thing people can do to heal themselves. But did I really want to forgive, even if God was offering a supernatural ability to do so?



In an instant the answer sprang full-grown into my mind. My heart told me that I wanted whoever was responsible to come to Christ and repent of this awful act. At that moment I felt myself completely forgiving him. This forgiveness astounded me, because earlier I had experienced feelings of incredible sadness and intense anger and the desire to kill the person responsible with my own hands. Little did I realize just how important my decision to forgive would be in the coming months.



I have had a hundred people tell me that they think I’m nuts—that I should hate the shooter and cry out for vengeance. Perhaps I am crazy, but I believe that in those early moments God worked supernaturally, allowing me to forgive completely and immediately, because he had plans for me, and those plans required that I have the forgiveness problem settled once and for all.





For the next two days, as Bart and I waited in our rooms for surgery, we had a nearly unprecedented number of visitors. People were always lined up in the halls waiting to see us; they came and went day and night. In fact, the crowding was so severe that the hospital converted a double room on our floor into a hospitality suite stocked with fruit baskets, cookies, coffee, soft drinks, sofas, and chairs. The hospital showed a lot of class, but I think crowd control was also an important factor.



The next day I had my first visit from Detective Marshal Slot and his partner Billy Baugh from the Sugar Land Police Department. They questioned me extensively about what had happened, and I cooperated, telling them I would do everything I could to help them find out who was responsible for this murderous attack.



The detectives returned a day later to tell me they had learned that Bart was not about to graduate from college after all. In fact, he was not even enrolled in school. I was shocked at the news and horrified at the realization that, if this were true, this knowledge coupled with some mistakes Bart had made years earlier might distract the police from searching for the real killer and lead them to look at Bart as a possible suspect. Marshal told me that they were looking at every possibility, which confirmed my fears.



After they left I fumbled my way into a wheelchair and rolled down to Bart’s room, where I found him asleep, as he seemed to be whenever I came to visit. It was as if he had crawled into a hole, trying to escape this nightmare. I asked his girlfriend (who had camped out at the hospital since the first morning) for a few minutes alone with my son.



“Bart, what were you thinking? You weren’t even in school? How could you lie to us about graduation?”



Bart seemed to forcibly pull himself out of some private hell as he sat up in his bed. The curtains were closed, and the room was dark. Gloom pervaded the atmosphere, with those areas just outside the edge of my vision in deepest shadow. At the time the thought did little more than register in my subconscious, but I would later recall this oppressive darkness and do much thinking about it. For now, my thoughts were focused on Bart. A momentary flicker of strange emotions danced in his eyes; he seemed to careen between grief, shame, regret, and fear.



“Dad, I’m so sorry! I didn’t want to tell you because I knew how much you and Mom were looking forward to my graduation. I just figured I could work it out and take the classes next semester, and nobody would know.”



“Nobody would know!” I was furious. “How would we not know? How would they let you graduate? How did you get into this mess in the first place?”



“Things were crazy at work all summer. Some guys quit, everybody was working long hours, and with school starting, I just didn’t have enough time. I’m so sorry! I decided to help at work and make up school in the spring.”



“Do you have any idea what you’ve done? Thanks to this ‘little’ lie about graduation, the police think you’re a suspect! In fact, right now you seem to be their only suspect. You weren’t in school, you told everyone you were graduating, and they think you arranged to have us killed to cover it up. Can you see how stupid that was? Your lie has done the impossible—it has made Tricia and Kevin’s deaths even worse because now the police think you were involved! Do you have any idea how bad this is?”



Years ago, on a bike ride, I saw a hawk fly right over me, so close I could almost touch it. Clutched within its talons was a field mouse, still alive. I saw the bird swoop up to its nest, bringing breakfast to her young; it would be impossible to forget the look of resignation and terror in the mouse’s eyes as he passed over me. For a moment I saw the same look in Bart’s eyes, but it was gone almost instantly, replaced with resolve.



“Dad, that’s nuts! I didn’t have anything to do with the shootings! I’m sorry about the lie, it just happened. I didn’t mean to lie to you and Mom—I was just afraid of what you would say, and I didn’t want to disappoint you. This will be okay.”



“I don’t know. I’m so mad now, I could spit! I’ve told you before: you cannot ever allow yourself to start lying again! Look at the consequences of this one! If you hadn’t told the lie about graduation, they would be looking elsewhere and might find the real killer before the trail gets cold. Now they’re wasting time on you, and who knows how long they’ll keep at it!”



After a while I calmed down, and I told him I loved him and that the police would soon realize nothing tied him to the shootings. I went back to my room, still angry, disappointed, and depressed. What would happen next?



As the days passed, two things happened: First, the investigation centered more and more on Bart as the mastermind of a plot to kill the rest of the family, assuming that his motives were greed and to cover up for failures at school. Second, I came to realize that perhaps my life had been spared for a reason. God must have something important for me to do, because I could see no logical explanation for my still being alive. The bullet hit me well away from my right lung, and nearly six inches from my heart. The gunman couldn’t have been that bad a shot. Not at that close range.



It occurred to me that perhaps my purpose was to be God’s agent of guidance and instruction for Bart. If he was innocent, I would be the anchor he relied on as he weathered the storms of suspicion; I wouldn’t let him go through that horror alone. If he was guilty, I would be in a unique position to model God’s unconditional forgiveness and love. I might be the person God would use to soften Bart’s heart. And since I already had forgiven whoever was responsible, if Bart was guilty, he would be covered in a pure forgiveness, granted before I ever thought it might apply to my son. Either way, until I knew more, I would be nonjudgmental and supportive. While I couldn’t gloss over anything or minimize the consequences of any wrongs Bart might have committed, I still needed to show him that God forgives and that there is always hope.



Maybe I’m crazy. But I took comfort in knowing that I was doing what God wanted me to do. I like reading that line in the Bible about the wisdom of God being foolishness to man. Maybe a nut was exactly whom God intended to use.





This book gripped me from page one. Kent's faith and his trust in God inspires me. The way that he showed love and guidance to his son despite his treachery is beyond my current comprehension. But I applaud him! After reading this book I've had some serious conversations with my children. I'm more attentive to what they do and say and what they don't do and say.

This is an incredible story of love, family and forgiveness.It is a wonderful picture of faith in action. And I believe it is a call to parents to engage, engage engage with your kids on a deeper level. That is not to say that Kent and his wife did't. I am sure they did. But if there is any chance to connect with your kids or other loved ones and keep them from falling prey to the lies of Satan, pursue that way.

I suggest you run, RUN to the bookstore or hurry, HURRY to Amazon and pick up this book.

Blessings to you!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Well alrighty then...

My oldest beauty has been in every play and musical there is since she hit middle school. She even talked her doctor into putting her on "super drugs" to get her well in time to participate in one show when she was sixth grade. This child is a hard core performer I tell you.

But....


She is not trying out for Seussical this semester. Say it ain't so! Oh yeah. It's so.

I asked her if she just forgot to turn in her paperwork.

Her response was: "Well Ms. R wasn't there today. There was a sub."

So I responded, "Well if she was not there, I am sure she will take it first thing in the morning."

She responded: "No thanks. I'm not trying out."

HUH???

"What?!?! What do you mean you're not trying out. You were so excited about it. That's all you've talked about is Seussical. What's going on?"

She said.......




"I have to focus on school stuff. I'm trying to make sure I get recommended for some honor classes for high school. And I need to F-O-C-U-S. I don't have time for after school practices and stuff. There will be more plays in high school. I'll pass on this one so I can focus on what's important to me right now - the best grades possible."

Well alrighty then...

Teenagers. They are a strange lot and mine just amaze me everyday. I think that just makes me love them more!

Be blessed y'all, especially if you have teenagers!

Sunday, November 9, 2008

She Finally Gets It

Last Friday my 13 year old came home with an amazing revelation. The conversation went like this.

Daughter: Mooohhhhmm, guess WHAT?!

Me: What honey?

Daughter: I need to have a good GPA. I mean, really mom, it's IM-por-tant.

Me: Yes honey I know. I've told you that before.

Daughter: So I **have** to do better this year in 8th grade. I can't fool around. I need good study skills if I'm going to have a good GPA in high school. (standing about 3 inches from me with her eyes as big as cookies - see example)




Me: Yes you do. Haven't we talked about this?

Daughter: (completely ignoring Mom's last comment) I need to go study (this is a Friday now) because I've got important GPA stuff to accomplish.

Daughter bounces happily upstairs to study in preparation for her good GPA. Apparently, the teachers and counselors are trying to prepare them for high school.

Now I could be bitter because I've said all this before. I usually got the eye roll. You know the one.



I've cajoled, pleaded, bribed, scolded, counseled and supported. Nothing. Nada. Zip. She just went her merry little way, haphazardly making whatever grade she felt like making that quarter.

Needless to say I've been frustrated. Now a teacher says the same thing and it's important. Bitterness was surely knocking on the door. However, instead of being bitter, I choose to rejoice in knowing that she finally GETS IT! I'll just hold on to the idea that I planted the seed. Her teachers and counselors watered it. Now we all get to watch it bloom. What a great gift!


As always, be blessed this week!